Woe is you, TV fans. With your favourite quality programs all wrapped up for the holiday season (and perhaps into the new year too), reality TV is about all that's left -- unless A Charlie Brown Christmas floats your boat. I'd feel sorry for you, except I watch hours and hours of it every week. And soon, you will too. (Insert evil laugh here.)
Sunday
The Amazing Race 12: I hate to use the "dumb blond" phrase (especially considering my own hair colour). But Shana and Jennifer are, let's say, not the brightest for pulling a U-turn on latest losers Lorena and Jason -- who were doomed from the start of the race this week -- when they meant to pull it on TK and Rachel. Oopsey! Ah well, karma's a bitch. Judging by the trailer for tomorrow's episode, the blonds are going to get whacked by a bus. And if that doesn't do 'em in, TK and Rachel will.
Monday
Dancing With The Stars - Competition: Why don't the celebrity dancers get to put their own touch on the routines? Because then you might have to watch a show where Marie Osmond wobbles around in a pink doll outfit, a lingerie-clad Mel B. busts out every skanky hip-hop move in the Spice Girl books and Helio Castroneves comes out in a race car driver suit -- over a classy ballroom getup. At least SOMEONE got it.
Project Runway Canada: Kendra admitted swimwear from Marie Antoinette's era wasn't going to jive in 2007. And yet, she continued to make not one, but two ruffly bathing suits (one for a bean pole, the other for a woman) you wouldn't catch dead in the modern woman's boudoir. She's out.
Tuesday
Dancing With The Stars - Finale: Perma-happy Helio Castroneves and hottie Julianne Hough are the proud new owners of the gaudy mirrorball trophy. I'm still not convinced the IndyCar driver pulled in more votes than Scary Spice -- but it wouldn't be fair if someone with years of professional dance training won, now would it? Of course, viewers first had to sit through what felt like days of recaps, visits from has-beens and two performances by Celine Dion.
Beauty and the Geek: I could have cleaned the bathroom or walked the dog (sorry, Sasha), but instead I watched a full hour of remaining BatG couples Jasmine and Dave and Sam and Nicole visiting each others' hometowns in a Bachelor-esque fashion (minus the scandal), then coming back to the mansion's elimination room -- only to find out America still has to vote on a winner. A shocking twist? Yes. Will anyone still care next week?
The Biggest Loser: A vacation with Andre Agassi isn't the best prize in TBL history, but Nicole went out of her way to lose this week's strength challenge by diving teeth-first into a shallow pool. It was nothing a kazillion-dollar trip to the dentist couldn't fix -- unlike the permanent removal of sole remaining red teamer, Bryan. Looks like psycho-trainer Kim will have to find someone else to yell at.
Wednesday
Kid Nation: Boredom be gone! The town got an arcade this week, meaning the kids have abandoned all sense of responsibility and are now wagering their income at the pool table, playing air hockey and shaking their groove thangs in Dance Dance Revolution. Hunter won the gold star for being the only one who continued to work, when really, I should have won for being the only person still watching this.
America's Next Top Model: Devoted Top Model fans know the go-see challenge always ends in some sort of drama. But when Heather got lost in Shanghai, only had time to meet with one designer and showed up late at the agency (three major modelling sins), she didn't even have a meltdown. Yawn. Even Bianca wasn't her bitchy self this week -- maybe because she had a hunch The Tyra was going to send Heather packing. And damnit, she was right.
Thursday
Survivor: China: As nice as it is to have a big, strong man around camp, blindsiding James was a wise move. His Immunity Idol would have saved him -- if only he had known. But that's the way it rolls. Besides, after Denise showed off her kung fu moves at the Shaolin temple this week, I'm pretty sure she can take over his duties.
