Now that the writers strike is finally over, real TV will be making a comeback. Reality TV, however, never went away -- and doesn't planning on going anywhere anytime soon.
Big Brother 9 reared its scandalous head this week, and America's Next Top Model, Rock of Love and the Pussycat Dolls' Girlicious skankify next week's lineup. Want more Idol? You've got it. Expect three episodes next week. If you're a junkie like me, get ready to say goodbye to your social life -- if you haven't already.
DANCE WAR: BRUNO VS. CARRIE ANN
Was anyone as shocked as I was to hear Dance War's season finale is next week? How do they expect to make a supergroup in just seven episodes? Well, at least it was Carrie Ann who finally had to do the eliminating this time. After suffering two losses, Bruno's team was safe -- but Team C.A.'s Allysa wasn't. Oh well, she can always join High School Musical's stage tour -- whose guest appearance this week is still giving me nightmares.
PROJECT RUNWAY 4
Thank you, judges, for finally realizing that someone who spits on fabric isn't going to make it in the posh world of fashion. Flower-child Elisa is gone after failing this week's challenge, which saw the designers making outfits out of Hershey's candy and wrappers. While some of the creations were actually wearable, Elisa accessorized her brown frock with foil arm scrunchies. Seriously.
AMERICAN IDOL: AUDITIONS
The judges began the grueling process of reducing nearly 200 gold-ticket winners down to 24 potential mini-celebs in Hollywood this week. Meanwhile, viewers were madly picking favourites. Since they got rid of my Latin lover Ghaleb Emachah, I guess I'll just have to go with rock 'n' roll nurse Amanda Overmyer. Harsh blond streaks aside, that girl's gonna go places.
BIG BROTHER 9
(Premiere) Sleaziest. Big Brother. Ever. And yet, I find it sickly intriguing that producers had the audacity to make single strangers sleep in the same beds. This season's "'Til Death Do You Part" spin has eight couples spending every waking (and sleeping) moment together until they get evicted ... together. Two houseguests used to date, two are dating and two are, of course, gay. There are more twists in this thing than a Chubby Checker video -- I can't get enough.
THE BIGGEST LOSER
As if getting weighed on national TV wasn't revealing enough, psycho-trainer Jillian called in her psychotherapist mom to uncover the deeply personal, hidden secrets of the black team. It must have done something, because they beat the blue team again this week. All of the blue shirts agreed Trent would be sent home -- including his former partner, Roger. Ouch.
AMERICAN IDOL: AUDITIONS
He had a sob story, a unique voice and a cute mug -- so why was Josiah Leming cut from Idol? The 18-year-old who lives in his car was "overconfident," the judges said. Bah. A quick Internet search reveals Idol fans aren't impressed. Nor am I. But at least there are some Top 24 contenders to root for, notably plus-sized model Joanne Borgella, nanny Brooke White and youngun David Archuleta. Drop me a line who you like.
BIG BROTHER 9
Did they HAVE to get rid of exes Jacob and Sharon? Having the pair hash out their baggage on air was surely going to be a ratings boost. But it was "Power Couple" Parker and Jen who decided the feuding duo would go home after Jacob lied and said people were calling Parker a "snake." OK, so he screwed up. But how could actual snake Adam be excused for using the word "retard" in a very ugly way? Speaking of the excused, Internet rumors about gay houseguest Neil Garcia leaving the show Wednesday night are spreading like wildfire. Stay tuned ...
SURVIVOR: MICRONESIA FANS VS. FAVOURITES
Is that jungle love I smell? Amanda and Ozzy were making out when everyone else around them was "sleeping," while James and Parvati were doing gawdknowswhat with their hands. But being on the Favourites -- aka experienced -- team, the newly formed couples might have a few tricks up their bandannas (emphasis on the "might"). On the Fans side, a budding romance between Mary and Mikey was cut short when Mary was suddenly hit with five votes at tribal council. Ah yes, love is blind.
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE
Omarosa got her bitch back. Not that it ever really went away -- but putting her on the same team with Piers Morgan was a sure way to unleash the bee-yotch within. She picked on his children. He called her a "foul-mouthed little tramp." It was golden. And yet, their team (including Carol Alt and Lennox Lewis) walked away with a win in this week's Central Park carriage ride challenge -- leaving The Donald to can someone from the cohesive team of Trace Adkins, Stephen Baldwin, Tito Ortiz and Marilu Henner. Who did he fire? No one. Aww.
CANADIAN IDOL UPDATE
Fame awaits you, Eastern Canada. CTV has now confirmed venues for its Eastside stops. Auditions will take place at Hamilton's Eastgate Square on March 1 & 2, Ottawa's St. Laurent Centre March 8 & 9, Montreal's Forum Pepsi March 15 & 16, Halifax's Cunard Centre March 29 & 30, St. John's Avalon Mall April 8 and Toronto's Yonge-Dundas Square April 12 & 13. Full details are at idol.ctv.ca.
