While I anxiously await Monday's rauncherific episode of The Bachelor (see below), let us mull over this past week's shenanigans.
Big Brother 9
Photos posted up around newly crowned Head of Household Sheila's room revealed the 46-year-old mom was smokin' hot as a twentysomething. Adam's response? "I wish THAT Sheila was in the house instead of that -- thing." How nice. Ah well, at least Sheila put him on the block with Sharon -- even though Natalie was clearly getting the ol' backdoor exit.
Oprah's Big Give
The only thing more difficult than NOT crying during this show is, well, bringing yourself around to watch it in the first place. The part where finalists Brandi, Cameron and Stephen revealed their record-setting $10,000 gives? Tears of joy. The appearance of John Travolta in a pilot uniform? Tearful cries of "Why, God, why?"
Dancing With the Stars
Cristian de la Fuente stepped it up, Marissa finally got her groove (sorta) and Marlee Matlin continued to prove you can dance without actually hearing the music. But it was Kristi Yamaguchi who scored big -- a 29 out of 30, to be exact. And yet, I'm still not quite feeling her.
The Bachelor
Catfights, solo dates for Noelle and Chelsea, no roses for Omarosa-copycat Marshana and creepy stalker-girl Robin -- but forget the show itself ... did you see the trailer for next week's visit-home episode? What in the hell was good-girl Amanda's bedroom-eyed mom doing to Bachelor Matt's nipple?!
American Idol
While no one's octaves shattered anything, the kids did pretty well on Mariah Carey week. And with that soundtrack-worthy version of Always Be My Baby, I can say I've officially hopped on the David Cook bandwagon. The guy is miles ahead of the rest -- but whether or not America digs combovers has yet to be determined.
Dancing With the Stars
I would have given someone else the heave-ho, but it was Priscilla Presley who got no hunka-hunka burnin' love from viewers this week. The 62-year-old made a gracious exit -- but not before performances by Latin rockers Ozomatli, balladeer James Blunt and two more kiddie ballroom couples with some serious moves. Man, they're smooth.
Big Brother 9
Removing himself from the block this week was the best thing Power of Veto winner Adam has done in, well, ever. Let the demise of Naughty Natty begin!
The Biggest Loser (finale)
Told you so. Ali shed a total of 112 pounds -- half her body weight -- and became the first female to win TBL. Her brand new 122-pound frame would even be acceptable in Hollywood. But something's telling me the down-to-earth hairdresser will just take the $250,000 prize money and run her toned glutes outta there.
Beauty and the Geek
Spitting on someone is usually unforgivable, but insult-queen Randi pretty much deserved to have Joe hawk a loogie her way. The helpless geek was just defending himself from her low blows about his weight, among other things. Karma proved to be even more of a bitch when Randi was ousted from the game. It's just too bad her "gaysian" partner Greg had to go down, too.
Hell's Kitchen
On this week's menu: Chicken chopping, a southern-style dinner for the challenge-winning women's team, prosciutto appetizers and sexist castoff Jason's head on a plate. Sounds delectable.
American Idol
After a nerve-wracking elimination process that involved Ryan Seacrest separating the Idols into two groups, it was Kristy Lee Cook who finally got the hook. And to boot, the country girl -- whose success might be accredited to VotefortheWorst.com -- doesn't even have a horse to ride off on. She sold it to get on the show. D'oh.
Big Brother 9
Ryan voted for Natalie; Adam voted for Sharon. It's a good thing Sheila had the deciding vote, since the boys apparently didn't understand the importance of Naughty Natty getting the boot. Natty, of course, will get over it the minute she joins her beloved Matty in the jury house. Matty: Be afraid.
America's Next Top Model
Overseas location time! But first, the models had to do a kitschy airport photoshoot. Oh, and of course they had to eliminate someone before they went (sorry Stacy Ann). And it just wouldn't be the same if there wasn't some sort of drama -- which Fatima took care of by losing her travel documents. OK ladies, off to Rome!
Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious
Deciding not to eliminate anyone at the end of an episode no longer qualifies as a reality TV "twist." Got that, Robin Antin (and Oprah, who's also guilty of not cutting anyone this week)? If you want a twist, send everyone home. That way, we won't have to worry about a group called Girlicious hogging the radio airwaves anytime soon. Rant over.
Survivor: Micronesia
Don't you think if you had the slightest sense you were going to get blindsided at council, you would use the hidden immunity idol you found on Exile Island? Being a return player, the almighty Ozzy should have known better. He practically asked for it.
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN Canada (millions of viewers)
American Idol (CTV, Tuesday) 2.44
Dancing With the Stars (CTV, Monday) 1.97
Survivor: Micronesia (Global, Thursday) 1.90
American Idol (CTV, Thursday) 1.81
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN U.S. (millions of viewers)
American Idol (Tues) Fox 24.7
American Idol (Thurs) Fox 20.1
Dancing With the Stars (Mon) ABC 19.7
Idol Gives Back (Wed) FOX 17.8
Dancing With the Stars (Tues) ABC 17.0
