Hey, remember that show Chopping Block? Probably not; the competition where Chef Marco Pierre White glared at amateur restaurant employees was only on for three weeks before NBC pulled it. It couldn't have been good because I just noticed yesterday that it's been gone for two weeks. I've also been too two busy watching the following crapulence '
The Celebrity Apprentice
As if Donald Trump didn't know about Khloe Kardashian's DUI arrest BEFORE he put her on the show! Does he not read the tabloids? Kardashian was fired because The Donald can't stand people who drink and drive. Fair enough, but it should have mattered that Clint Black came up with the inappropriate sexual innuendo in team KOTU's commercial, after the teams were rearranged and assigned to make detergent ads that could become viral videos. Athena's expletive-laden "small people" video also got booed, and D-Trump decided to boot Tionne Watkins because she volunteered to go into the boardroom. Again, fair enough.
Dancing With the Stars
Ole ole oh-lay! As you can see by my enthusiasm, Gilles Marini took off his shirt Monday night. Honestly, I was just starting to get over my obsession -- and there the French Fabio was, doing the paso doble in all his bare-chested glory. Obviously, Gilles scored a near-perfect 29, while fellow frontrunners Shawn, Melissa and Lil' Kim trailed closely behind. For his Viennese waltz, Steve-O played a French mime crossed with Steve Martin's Insp. Clouseau. Sorry Jackass, there's only room for one le hunk in this danceoff.
American Idol
What I was pleased to learn on Idol's Year They Were Born performance episode: 1) Yes, Lil Rounds is her real name (and after that Tina Turner impersonation, she's one bad song choice away from being nixed); 2) Matt Giraud isn't actually all that bad when he channels his inner Justin Timberlake (as he did in Stevie Wonder's Part-Time Lover); and, 3) Simon was cute as a kid, in an angry sorta way (judging by a childhood photo on display). What I wish I hadn't learned: Adam Lambert is here to stay.
Dancing With the Stars
Did David Alan Grier not learn anything from the Fly Girls? The In Living Color alum waltzes with the grace of a trucker -- and that combined with his mildly funny jokes got him the hook just as he was about to reach his best-before date. Speaking of near-expiration, what did you think of Etta James' live performance of At Last? Be nice; the woman is going strong for 71.
The Biggest Loser: Couples
Temptation time! And this week, the Losers got to consume platefuls of caloriffic junk for the power to vote off whomever they want (and risk being told later what "idiots" they are for pigging out by psycho-trainer Jillian). Laura dug in and won the prize, but found it was more trouble than it was worth because she ended up having to eliminate either Sione or Helen -- neither of whom she wanted to see go. Sione lost the toss, but continued to drop so many pounds at home that he's decided to become a personal trainer. Great, because the world really needs another Jillian.
Project Runway Canada (Finale Part 1)
Finalists Sunny, Jessica and Jason were on their merry way prepping for their big shows at Toronto Fashion Week when Iman threw them a curveball: Create an evening gown ET Canada host Cheryl Hickey can wear to the Toronto International Film Festival -- with a previously eliminated designer. Sunny and Jason were paired up with flamboyant Jeff and Brandon respectively, leaving Jessica with ' Kim! The fremenies got along surprisingly well, and an uncharacteristically kind Kim even apologized for being a you-know-what (while secretly plotting to dump bleach on Jessica's clothing line, perhaps?).
American Idol
Frankie Avalon to the rescue! Wednesday almost went down as Idol's most forgettable results episode ever -- thanks to the Top 8 butchering Kylie Minogue's I Can't Get You Out of My Head, Kellie Pickler giving Simon a lap dance, Flo Rida making Dead or Alive fans shudder with his Right Round cover and a tragic Ford commercial that saw the kids remaking Britney Spears' Circus video (oh, gawd, no!). Then former teen idol Avalon strutted in, made Paula swoon and paid homage to Simon's upcoming 50th birthday with a performance of Venus. My hero. Unfortunately, he couldn't save blind sweetheart Scott MacIntyre from being sent home. Sadly, his time had come.
America's Next Top Model
I didn't know Clay Aiken was A) An acting pro, and B) A fashionista, but the former American Idol contestant was both on ANTM this week, when he guest judged and coached the stick figures in a stage exercise by playing a diva fashionista. This was all in preparation for the always entertaining CoverGirl commercial shoot. The models were plagued with the usual forgotten lines and bland delivery -- and it was no shocker shy Tahlia's ad was the worst in the bunch. I knew acting week would take her down for good, and it did.
Survivor: Tocantins
It was merge week, and that could only mean a few things: The castaways got a huge feast, a new tribe name -- Forza -- emerged and every alliance that had previously been formed was quashed. Unfortunately, we weren't able to see new clique Stephen, Tyson and Coach follow through on their plan to blindside Brendan because tribal council was cancelled after Joe left the game with a seriously infected knee. Ah well, maybe next week.
Hell's Kitchen
So I'm totally in the dark about what's to come on HK. And really, so are the chefs, who found themselves in blackness after Chef Ramsay shut the place down at the end of the show. I mean, he's not just ticked off this time; he's @#$%ing furious. Too angry, in fact, to explain why he fired Giovanni when he could have dropped anyone after the newly merged black team's service from hell. Could Gordon @#$%ing Ramsay really be speechless?
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN THE U.S. (millions of viewers)
American Idol TUESDAY (Fox) 24.4
American Idol WEDNESDAY (Fox) 24.3
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) 20.5
Dancing with the Stars Results Show (ABC) 13.5
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN CANADA (millions of viewers)
American Idol TUESDAY (CTV) 2.0
American Idol WEDNESDAY (CTV) 2.0
Survivor: Tocantins THURSDAY (Global) 1.8
