It’s Saturday, meaning I’ve now spent three nights lying awake in bed, trying to understand what went wrong on American Idol’s finale. If so many people were so obsessed with rockstar Adam Lambert, then how could he lose to timid folkie Kris Allen — who looks like the nice kid who delivered your Sun this morning? I guess this is just one of those questions that shall remain unanswered for all eternity.
Survivor: Tocantins (finale)
Alabama cattle rancher James (JT) Thomas Jr. didn’t just beat his BFF Stephen Fishbach on Sunday night; he wiped the jungle floor with his @$$. When Jeff Probst revealed JT’s 7-0 victory, it was like America had voted for him (because the cowpoke is so the one Americans would’ve vote for) rather than the jury. But hey, the lovable Southerner played a solid game. He broke his tooth off during a challenge and hucked it in the water, for crying out loud. Self-deprecative geek Stephen couldn’t win a physically driven immunity challenge to save his life — and there’s no way he would have kept his promise to take JT to the final two if he had won the last one.
Dancing With the Stars
Major disappointments on the freestyle front! Gymnast Shawn, Bachelor dumpee Melissa and hunk Gilles may have stormed through the paso doble round, but their freestyle routines — usually a season highlight — left a lot to be desired. Shawn’s high-energy performance was a big success with the judges, but Melissa and partner Tony backtracked to the ’90s by doing the running man to C&C Music Factory and Gilles and Cheryl went back even further with a cheesy ’80s Flashdance number. And let’s just say the Feeling wasn’t there.
The Bachelorette (Premiere)
So many men, so little time! Then again, if I had been in Alberta Bachelorette Jillian Harris’ pumps on Monday night, weeding through those 30 desperate American guys ABC hooked her up with would have been a piece o’ cake. While pilot Jake is on the dweebish side, he’s harmless — and the Tanner with the foot fetish is sorta cute — she could have easily dumped two dozen of the other dudes. Hey, you’re superclose with your mom? Gone! What’s that; your idea of a pickup line is throwing me a ball and saying, ‘See, I told you you were a catch’? Buh-bye. Oh, and you think being a graphic designer means you can get away with dressing like an emo kid? Next! Personal trainer? Break dance instructor? Pizza entrepreneur? Gone, gone, gone!
American Idol
It’s a good thing Simon Cowell reminded everyone cutiepie-next-door Kris Allen deserved to be on the stage Tuesday night, because it was still hard to believe the dark horse had made it that far — and his performances of Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On and winner’s single No Boundaries weren’t anything special. Come to think of it, all drama king Adam Lambert added to his repeat performance of Tears for Fears’ Mad World was a black trench coat, his take on the winner’s single was too theatrical and his Sam Cooke cover (Change is Gonna Come) was forgettable. In a race once dominated by superstar Glambert, it appeared this was going to be a close one ...
Dancing With the Stars (Finale)
I should have known little gymnast Shawn Johnson would win this thing. Americans love their Olympians, if past winners Apolo Anton Ohno and Kristi Yamaguchi are any indication. Though I still think Gilles Marini was robbed — and that it’s sad to see sweet Bachelor ex Melissa Rycroft dumped for the second time. Leading up to the distribution of that fugly disco ball trophy were tons of performances by the season’s previously rejected stars (yes, more of Steve Wozniak doing “the worm”), the crowning of a new pro dancer (leggy Anna Demidova) and performances by Lady Gaga — the only person capable of making the dancers’ costumes look drab. There was no keeping a Poker Face when she came out in that Judy Jetson jumpsuit, that’s for sure.
American Idol (Finale)
You know the Idol finale result is shocking when the winner doesn’t even believe it. A stunned Kris Allen accepted his crown reluctantly, saying, “It feels good, but Adam deserved it.” Aww, that sweet little Arkansas boy-next-door was just being modest — but Simon Cowell was less subtle about his shock, sporting the “WTF just happened” expression that myself and millions of others probably had after Ryan Seacrest revealed that megapopular glam-rockin’ shoo-in Adam Lambert wasn’t the Idol. Whoever had previously voted for Danny Gokey could have switched to Team Kris, and perhaps all those Lambert-maniacs were just all talk. Oh well, at least it was a fun ride getting to the results; performances by Keith Urban, the Black Eyed Peas, Rod Stewart, Queen Latifah, Queen and many, many more made for one of the most entertaining nights reality TV has seen ... ever.
So You Think You Can Dance (Premiere)
There was laughter, there were tears, there was cringing — yes, that sounds about right for Audition Episode 1 of Fox’s summer danceoff. In New York, we learned that “jointortionism” isn’t a disease, but a painful-looking danceform, and that people without spines — like inspirational Tiffany — can dance too. The Denver tryout had its awkward moments, with same-sex ballroom dancer couple Misha (who’s gay) and Mitchel (who’s not ... honest!), who had a Will Ferrell/Jon Heder Blades of Glory moment when they fell on their rears mid-performance. And then there was ballet guy Brandon Bryant, who made judge Mary Murphy cry — already. ’Tis gonna be a long season.
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN CANADA (millions of viewers)
American Idol TUESDAY (CTV) 2.10
American Idol WEDNESDAY (CTV) 2.03
Survivor: Tocantins THURS./SUN. (Global) 1.6
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN THE U.S. (millions of viewers)
American Idol WEDNESDAY (Fox) 24.7
American Idol TUESDAY (Fox) 22.7
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) 18.6
Dancing with the Stars Results Show (ABC) 14.1
