Sadly, this will go down as the week Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died (may they rest in peace).

Even more sadly, it will also go down as the week Lou Diamond Phillips was crowned King of the Jungle, a yodeling dominatrix won Piers Morgan's heart and Jillian got rid of the guy with the foot fetish. But hey, that's reality.

The Bachelorette

Foot guy Tanner, geeky pilot Jake and boyish bartender Robby are kaput. Funny, because all of their flaws combined aren't as loathable as "I'm-here-for-the-wrong-reasons" country singer Wes. Even Tanner's pants-dropping incident in beautiful Lake Louise ("I don't need to see the package," Jillian said. "Although it was huge...") was more forgivable than the fact that Wes willingly admitted getting the girl is a just a bonus to the free publicity the show is giving him. Hopefully his parents are nightmarish potential in-laws who finally turn Jill off this sleazy cowpoke next week.

I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me out of Here!

What doesn't make sense: 1) Stephen Baldwin upping and leaving just five days before the competition ends; and 2) Torrie Wilson gaining seven pounds of solid muscle after living off rice and beans for three weeks. What make sense: The remaining celebs voting to bring Holly Montag back instead of Janice Dickinson. Even though Janice might have been able to out-chug John Salley in the barftastic drinking contest (dung beetle cocktail, anyone?) and not get sent home again hours later -- eh, Holly?

America's Got Talent (premiere)

You know all that promising talent waiting to be discovered in Chicago, Seattle and New York? Yeah, well, they forgot to show up at the cities' AGT auditions -- judging by Tuesday's premiere. Let's just say a dog -- Frisbee fetcher Rockin' Rorie -- stole the show. And while I dug the Barack Obama-slash-James Brown impressionist, that wasn't enough to remove the smiling faces of Brady Bunch wannabes Shine -- and the (dying) animal sounds of Debbie Victor -- from my mind.

I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me out of Here!

Sanjaya might be a jungle boy, but Tarzan he ain't. Indeed, the wiry wearer of the ponyhawk was voted off his second reality show -- and he didn't even have to sing. Frankly, I was growing tired of seeing him win every food challenge, and not gain a pound. Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich's wife Patti was also released from her jungle haven -- and back to the hellish nightmare of living with a legally afflicted hubby. Way to go, America.

Canada's Next Top Model

I don't know what Meaghan keeps worrying about. Heather is no competition for her -- and that became apparent when the two blonds posed together in a cellphone ad this week. Now that she has her braces off, Meaghan is unstoppable -- except for maybe when it comes to talking to the press. The girls got a lesson in media savviness from MTV After Show hosts Jessi and Dan before Jeanne Beker took 'em all for questioning on the red carpet at Toronto Fashion Week. Unlike awkward Meaghan, Rebeccah rocked the challenge, and even came out of the closet -- not that that saved her from yet another exaggerated photo. Bye, girly.

America's Got Talent

A yodeling dominatrix? Comedic robots? Underage grrrl rockers? Fiddling Polish triplets? Now that's more like it! Forget the rejects (including the girl who kept her partner in a suitcase); the second batch of auditions in Seattle and Miami turned out plenty of buzzworthy Acts to Watch -- even if they are a little flashier than Susan Boyle. But hey, this IS America.

I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me out of Here! (finale)

Lou Diamond Phillips is the king of something? Well, good for him. That doesn't make me any less sure that the competition was fixed. Like, the La Bamba star was the strongest competitor -- but was he really more popular than wrestler Torrie Wilson and b-baller John Salley? Ah well, at least we got to see one final food challenge, where John had to stick his head in vomit (bleh!) and Torrie kissed a crocodile (and she liked it). And yes, Speidi returned for the finale -- less annoying, but even more irrelevant.

So You Think You Can Dance

That Jonathan sure has a pretty face, but the kid can't hip-hop to save his life. And the best part of Caitlin and Jason's paso doble was the music (O Fortuna). Other than those glitches -- and some risky wardrobe decisions for Asuka (whose lacy bodysuit was a hot '80s mess) and Janette (whose shredded stockings almost put her in as much danger as Phillip found himself in when he ripped his pants during his Broadway number) -- performance night went smooth. Honest.

I Survived a Japanese Game Show

They shoved tennis balls down their pants, donned hot-pink Spandex ballerina costumes and -- in the case of the Red Robots team's bottom two competitors Yari (who we said "sayonara" to) and Dan -- went slip-'n'-sliding over lubricated sumo wrestlers. I'd say it was a productive (and gosh-dang hilarious) week.

So You Think You Can Dance

Elimination night was even more somber than usual, with Michael Jackson being pronounced dead just hours before SYTYCD went live. But the show must go on -- so judge Nigel Lythgoe said some inspiring words about the moonwalk creator's (major) impact on dance, and one-dimensional ballroomer Asuka and King of Hip-Flop Jonathan were shown the door.