RAMA, Ont. - No star is too big for potty-mouth comic and reality-TV star Kathy Griffin to take down in her comedy act.
Oprah, Celine Dion, Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears were among the few A-Listers that found themselves in the crosshairs of the tart-tongued, flaming-haired comedian who appeared at Casino Rama on Saturday night.
"Jesus I can handle, Oprah is a little scary," said Griffin, 48, who was raised Catholic.
Over the course of a slightly overlong hour-and-45-minute set - she could tighten up her tangential yet wonderfully conversational style - Griffin also took aim at fellow D-listers like Paula Abdul, Ryan Seacrest, Headline News personality Nancy Grace - "my favourite crazy bitch on TV," - John and Kate Gosselin, The Hills' Heidi and Spencer and, perhaps most memorably, Joe Jackson, the father of Michael, whose appearance on Larry King Live two days after his son died, she mocked.
"I couldn't believe how nutty he was," recalled Griffin imitating Joe's slow drawl. "We knew Michael was dead 'cause he went to sleep and didn't wake up no mo'....
"All that money he can't take a community college English class? He should be a coroner. That's some CSI sh-- going on there. What a f---ing nutbag!"
And for those wondering if she's really dating 19-year-old Levi Johnston, the father of Sarah Palin's 16-year-old daughter Bristol's baby, who Griffin took to the Teen Choice Awards, she made it perfectly clear it was the ultimate photo op.
"I have to bring the perfect date which is going to guarantee me a picture in every tabloid ... And I was. I knew this would be a sensation in the showbiz fake world."
Johnston, who will be the subject of a major spread in the September issue of Vanity Fair, also told Griffin about Sarah Palin's advice to him when he attending the Republican convention last year: "Shut your mouth and don't open it for three days. He doesn't care for Sarah Palin. He basically described the word megalomaniac."
The double Emmy winner, whose TV show, My Life On The D-List has played for four seasons on The Comedy Network in Canada, began her set with a video montage showing her previous appearances on TV shows like Seinfeld, Suddenly Susan, The Drew Carey Show, The Simpsons, The X-Files, Celebrity Mole, ER, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and small roles in films like Pulp Fiction and The Unborn.
Then Griffin, a tiny but powerful presence dressed in head to toe black, let it rip early and often as she made her way on stage to The Jackson's Can You Feel It.
Here's the rest of her best celebrity digs on Saturday night:
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On Paula Abdul not coming back to American Idol:
"It's not going to be the same. To me it's a show where I can watch a little lady who's a f---ed up junkie try to keep her head up for one hour."
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On Celine Dion expecting another baby:
"Can we talk about that s--t? Her being pregnant again with Grandpa?"
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On Lindsay and Dina Lohan:
"That's my dream to be Lindsay Lohan and have my mother be Dina Lohan. I would give anything to have my mother at the clubs, f---ing guys, to help my career."
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On hiring an overnight companion named Bernice to help her mother Maggie when she's on the road:
"She's 89-years-old and loves her box of wine. I think I bought my mom a drinking buddy. I called last week, and the two of them are watching So You Think You Can Dance and I hear her calling out, "Bernice, tip it!"
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On her ban being lifted from The View, on which she'll appear on Sept. 18.
"That should be a sh-- storm because Barbara Walters hates me and I love her. It's like I'm Rihanna and she's Chris Brown. I still love her. I can't quit her. (Elisabeth) Hasselback is the one I'd love to take down."
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On Sarah Palin:
"I'm not going to let that dumb ass anywhere near the White House. I want to be for a woman but she's just too much of a moron."
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On finding out Jon Gosselin was bedding a reporter for Star Magazine at Michael Lohan's house:
"I was wrong Jesus, you do exist. For a comedian that's a gift from baby Jesus with a f---ing bow on it."
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On Miley Cyrus writhing around a stripper pole during her performance on The Teen Choice Awards:
"They roll out the set - a giant trailer. And the trailer splits open like a busted hymen!"
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On Britney Spears:
"Her hair colour is kind of like a mood ring. You can tell what kind of day it's going to be."
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Sun Rating: 4 out of 5
Kathy Griffin
Casino Rama
Saturday night
