Battle of the Blades
At last, a routine Canada will remember. Not that everyone will want to keep having mental pictures of Craig Simpson in a velvety blue suit and Coke-bottle glasses -- but his portrayal of Austin Powers (and partner Jamie Sale's groovy go-go getup) was so impressive, even before he attempted the competition's first jumps. Simpson and Sale are the only ones who went all-out for Hollywood week -- Stephane and Marie-France played it safe with an Ocean's Eleven number, Claude and Shae-Lynn did some Dirty Dancing and Tie let partner Tuffy's boots walk all over him for a Dukes of Hazzard piece. As far as gimmicks go, nothing beats the International Man of Mystery.
The Amazing Race 15
What a strange and shocking twist of events! Brian and Miss Am-Ericka were positioned to come in waaay last. But as far as weather went, poker pros Maria and Tiffany were down on their luck, and instead fell waaay behind trying to fight the wind while playing The Netherlands' answer to golf -- and opted to drop out. What I couldn't figure out is why almost everyone chose to golf in Dutch undies for the Detour instead of dancing and eating pickled herring -- which couldn't have been nearly as potent as those wasabi bombs a couple legs back.
Battle of the Blades
It is with great sadness I announce the elimination of Tie Domi and Christine (Tuffy) Hough-Sweeney from Battle of the Blades. Never before has the sport of figure skating seen such a macho man attempt its twirls and lifts with such aggression. And geez, now that's Tuffy's gone, who's going to bring the six-pack every week?
Dancing With the Stars
Any performance that inspires Bruno Tonioli to hop on his desk and shake his booty is usually fine by me -- but Kelly Osbourne's whiny bawling during her rehearsal killed her salsa even before it hit the floor. Given that kid's constant stream of tears, I can see why Ozzy is always muttering to himself (among many other reasons). Thankfully, she (and teammates Donny Osmond and Joanna Krupa) made up for it with a tango -- the ideal dance for those who aren't into smiling.
Dancing With the Stars
Note to pro dancers Derek Hough and Mark Ballas (aka Ballas Hough Band): Just because DWTS producers allow you to sing on TV doesn't mean you should. Ah well, as long as they don't give up their day (er, primetime?) jobs -- unlike NFLer Michael Irvin and Iron Chef host Mark Dacascos, who were forced out this week (and are more than welcome to start their own band, if they'd like).
So You Think You Can Dance
So much for tap dancers getting a chance to prove they're worthy this season. Thanks to the airwave-hogging World Series -- which prevented another viewer voting results show -- the judges had full power to decide who got eliminated, and told tappers Bianca and Phillip to shuffle towards the exit. I can still hear them walking off the stage.
The Biggest Loser
With mean girl Tracey being eliminated after this week's touching trip to the White House (sans Obama, sadly), you might expect me to start singing a tune like the Munchkins did after Dorothy dropped a house on the Wicked Witch. But I'd rather be the bigger person (well, not literally) and commend Tracey for chiselling her fatty frame into a bodacious, brawny bod when she got home. That said, I hope to never run into her in a dark alley.
America's Next Top Model
Most heterosexual men wouldn't hesitate if Marisa Miller told them to jump off a cliff . But the girls took a little persuading from their supermodel mentor at this week's look-hot-while-plummeting-to-yourpossible-death challenge. It couldn't have been worse than the underwater photoshoot, which saw them swallowing gallons of water (no worries, girls: H2O is calorie-free!). Sundai and Erin both lacked mermaid grace -- but since Erin's horseshoe is still in place, spunky Sundai was washed ashore.
Survivor: Samoa
I've never seen a castaway scramble as fast as Foa Foa's Russell did when his tribe merged with Galu this week. He was like a friggin' seagull rushing to a burger wrapper, trying to scrape off whatever cheese was left as he struggled to make alliances before it was too late. His paranoia got the best of him at tribal council, and he played his immunity idol when Eric -- who SHOULD have played his -- was blindsided instead. I doubt he'll have such luck next week.
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN CANADA (millions of viewers)
Survivor: Samoa (Global) 3.1
Amazing Race 15 (CTV) 2.6
Dancing with the Stars (CTV) 1.9
TOP-RATED REALITY SHOWS IN THE U.S. (millions of viewers)
Dancing With the Stars results (ABC) 17.4
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) 12.2
Survivor: Samoa (CBS) 15.2
Amazing Race 15 (CBS) 11.2
