Furious? Try holding your breath or counting to 10. Or telling a major glossy lifestyle magazine about your desire to bash lawyers to death with baseball bats and gut and kill pesky gossip reporters.
Welcome to Alec Baldwin's angry world. Baldwin is featured on the cover of the August issue of Vanity Fair magazine, and in a free-ranging interview, he talks about his penchant for decking photographers and his blood-boiling fury over the release of that humiliating phone message he left his daughter Ireland when she was 11 -- which was made public by TMZ.com.
As for Harvey Levin, the TMZ producer who posted the voice mail in which Baldwin called his daughter a, "Rude, thoughtless little pig," Baldwin says, "I wanted to stick a knife in him and gut him and kill him and I wanted him to die breathing his last breath looking into my eyes."
Baldwin was married on Saturday and, according to New York newspapers, then spent the weekend in Manhattan grousing and sniping at fans, reporters and anyone else who approached him. Inquiring minds want to know: Is he thinking of going after Mel Gibson's title of Angriest Man In Hollywood?
Baldwin is the host of an internet show for National Public Radio in America and he has said that Gibson is one guest he'd love to interview on the program. Baldwin told Vanity Fair he'd even approached Gibson with the idea.
"I said, 'Mel, this isn't about regurgitating. You're one of the greatest movie stars of your generation and you were one of the most successful directors in this business and you won the Academy Award. And the only thing I want to ask you about the travails in your life is, 'What did you learn?' "
We'll guess Gibson learned not to go on radio shows with people who talk about bat bludgeoning and knife killings. Just a hunch.
Baldwin is so aggravated at the whole world right now that he has quit Twitter, a huge gesture in the social media world. Funny he's not happier, having just wed lovely yoga teacher Hilaria Thomas, a woman he has proudly described as someone who has never seen an episode of 30 Rock. Given that criterion, there can't be more than 2 or 3 billion women who were marriage material for Mr. Furious. Touching.