|Britney Spears (AFP photo)
Through the years my TV predictions have been impeccable. And when I say impeccable, I mean impeccably poor.
But history hates a coward, so with the fall 2012 television season on deck, I'll close my eyes, jump off the pier and make five bold predictions about what's to come.
Some of this is based on measured evaluation. Some of this is based on my gut. But in all cases, I would prefer to be held responsible only for the things that turn out to be right.
1) X MARKS THE HOT
Britney Spears and Demi Lovato will save The X Factor. I actually think this is going to work. I've heard critics argue that adding Spears (age 30) and Lovato (age 20) is pointless, because, "What do they have to say at this stage of their lives and careers?" But isn't that taking this way too seriously? First of all, the last time I checked, young people were considerably more willing to speak their minds than older people. What they say doesn't have to make sense. Second of all, this is just a TV show. I don't give a damn what happens to the "careers" of the contestants after the broadcast is over. So if Britney and Demi want to go all "mean girl" on delusional performers, I'm all for it.
2) YOU AGAIN?
It will be a particularly competitive fall in the annual "Why is this show still on TV?" sweepstakes. Some of the candidates: Whitney, Bones, Up All Night, How I Met Your Mother, Scandal, Hart of Dixie, American Dad, Supernatural, 90210, Fringe and Community (use to be a personal fave). Email me your suggestions.
3) VICTORY LAPSE
Heading into their final seasons, sitcom mainstays The Office and 30 Rock will go in different directions. I believe The Office, with an end date in sight, will thrive. Lots of storylines to wrap up, and The Office has an emotional side to it, which lends itself better to series finales. Hey, I love 30 Rock; it's one of my favourite shows of all time. But it's more like Seinfeld in that the default setting is silly. It's tougher to find satisfying ways to wrap up those types of series, as Seinfeld proved.
4) RISING STARS
Male breakout star: Stephen Amell of Arrow. Female breakout star: Mindy Kaling of The Mindy Project. Also keep an eye on Mamie Gummer (aka Meryl Streep's daughter) of Emily Owens, M.D.
5) THE LANGE GANG
With her role as a spooky nun in the second season of American Horror Story, to go along with her role as a creepy neighbour in season one, Jessica Lange officially will be named the scariest woman in TV history. This will be marked in a gala ceremony attended by, among others, Satan, Dracula, Jack the Ripper, the cast of True Blood, Snooki and Vince the "Schticky" guy.