Charlize Theron gets bloody, Barbara Walters gets even on 'SNL'

Charlize Theron on

Charlize Theron on "Saturday Night Live." (SCREENSHOT)

, QMI Agency

, Last Updated: 9:51 AM ET

GRADE: B

Poor Charlize. The South African actress is only beautiful, talented, intelligent, and a poised, graceful former ballet dancer. But, alas, no one ever calls her funny. So, every 13 years or so, she gets back in the comedy saddle to host  Saturday Night Live and reminds people she’s not as serious as we all might think. Now that she’s starring opposite Seth MacFarlane in the comedy A Million Ways to Die in the West, she wants potential ticket buyers to think less Monster, and more Young Adult. And Sweet November? Um, never think about that one again...

Here are the highlights:

COLD OPEN:

Michelle Obama (Sasheer Zamata) and former first lady Hillary Clinton (Vanessa Bayer) come together to deliver a Mother’s Day message, but the fake smiles fade fast and before too long, the ladies resort to catty insults.  The best line of the sketch was when Clinton downplayed the importance of Obama’s childhood obesity campaign by condescendingly whittling it down to getting “a chubby kid to eat an apple.”

MONOLOGUE:

Don’t be too jealous of Charlize Theron’s flawless, glowing skin, perfect cheek bones, and statuesque figure. Yes, she may be beautiful but – gasp! – she can’t sing. Enter a handful of musically-inclined cast members (such as “golden pipes” Taran Killam) to sing about Theron’s tone-deafness. Theron tried to belt out a few notes of her own, but Kate McKinnon interrupted, pleading with her to stop.

BEST SKETCH:

Bikini Beach Party

In a parody of Annette Funicello’s cheesy teenybopper classic Beach Party, Theron and Killam played a couple of love-struck kids who get sprayed with blood and guts after a decomposing beached whale explodes  – shout out to Cape St. George, N.L.! - during Killam’s “romantic” ukulele solo. Theron was so messy at the end of this sketch that she didn’t have time to clean off and introduced The Black Keys’ second performance drenched in fake blood.

WORST SKETCH:

Whiskers R' We


Theron takes awkwardness to new extremes in this sketch (bad wig, big lisp and, of course, a turtleneck) as she and McKinnon starred as extreme cat lovers showcasing felines for an adopt-a-thon. But it was hard to concentrate on anything they were saying or doing because McKinnon kept picking up adorable real kittens and holding them in place for extreme closeups. Remember the old showbiz rule: Never work with kids or animals. Especially baby animals.

BEST ROB FORD JOKE:

Weekend Update was up on the latest Rob Ford news again. This week, they took aim at Ford comparing rehab to football camp:

“Rehab reminds him of football camp, but only because he wanted to quit both after taking less than 12 steps.” Zing!

BEST SURPRISE APPEARANCE:

Barbara Walters
 

After playing a montage of past and present SNL stars doing their best (and worst) impersonations of the TV news veteran (including Gilda Radner’s “Baba Wawa”), the real Walters pulled up a chair at the Update desk. She looked a little nervous (comedy isn’t really Bab’s thing) but still managed to get this dig in to co-anchors Colin Jost and Cecily Strong: “What an honour to see my career in journalism reduced to a cartoon character." Ouch. Walters will retire from The View this week.

MUSICAL GUEST:

The Black Keys

Even though the Ohio band’s first song (Fever) featured a lot of keyboard and a microphone that made the backup singer sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks, it still rocked harder in those first few notes than all of Coldplay’s set last week. Their tour can’t get started soon enough.


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