Dating all-American couple Ron & Kelly, clearly looking forward to completing this week's extra-long leg. (Photo: Tony Esparza/CBS)

Have you ever had one of those days that seem to drag on forever, filled with pushy people, traffic tie-ups and unexpected (and unwelcome) errands? Last night’s episode of “The Amazing Race” was sort of like that—for the racers, anyway.

Teams began the leg in Botswana, home to the cast of “The Lion King.” While teams mingled over dinner (and Lynn and Rob traded shin kicks under the table), host Phil Keoghan wondered whether AARP representatives Meredith & Gretchen would continue to beat the odds and stay in the race. If they can survive Gretchen’s tumble, the non-elimination penalty, and Phil constantly toying with their emotions at the end of each episode, they’re probably ready for anything.

In the middle of the night, an excited Rob & Amber were the first team to begin the leg and discover they were off to India, where the cows roamed the streets free from the looming spectre of McDonald’s. Specifically, they were headed to the city of Lucknow, which has got to be the most appropriate name for an “Amazing Race” destination.

But first, teams had to sign up for an early-morning charter flight to the Francistown Airport, a short hop across the plains. The early departure gave trailing teams plenty of time to catch up.

In the dark hours before dawn, Ron & Kelly pondered the status of their relationship. Ron said they’d been talking about their behaviour of the past few legs and had worked things out. Kelly said they needed to work on communicating better when the stress gets high but that ultimately, they’d be all right. In a clever edit, Rob totally called them on their bullshit and said it (presumably the leg) was going to be "horrendous." Nice one, editors.

Destination: FRANCISTOWN, BOTSWANA

Teams boarded the tiny plane to Francistown. At the airport—perhaps more accurately described as an oversized shed—it was time for some airline ticket manoeuvring. Teams had already received tickets to Mumbai, India, but were responsible for arranging their own way to Lucknow.

Lynn & Alex snagged a cell phone from a woman outside the airport. Alex called up a travel agency to arrange the remaining flights to Lucknow, while Lynn did what he does best: concern himself with what Rob was up to. Hanging about outside were Uchenna & Joyce and Meredith & Gretchen, all mooching off Alex’s hard work.

Meanwhile, inside the airport, Rob & Amber and Ron & Kelly hit on the same idea, but instead of the cell phone they snagged a helpful ticket agent. As it turned out, Rob & Amber and Ron & Kelly ended up scoring the earlier flight, while the remaining teams got tickets that put them in Lucknow five minutes later.

Gretchen wanders the Roadblock with her new backpack. (Photo: courtesy CBS.com)

While happy with the earlier tickets, Ron & Kelly were wary of seeming too close to race pariahs Rob & Amber, not wanting to become a target themselves. Team Survivor was similarly reluctant about the relationship: they respect Ron & Kelly but won’t hesitate to stab them in the back for the win.

All five teams boarded the flight to India, arriving in Mumbai at 3 a.m. The Coalition of the Unwilling scrambled to make their tight connection to Lucknow, leaving the remaining three teams waiting for the later flight.

This gave Gretchen plenty of time to replace her backpack, lost a few legs back thanks to the new non-elimination penalty. Searching through racks of high-priced merchandise—seems even Indian airports know how to milk travelers—Gretchen finally found something small to tote her passport and make her look like a kid heading off for the first day of school.

Destination: LUCKNOW, INDIA

The first flight, carrying Rob & Amber and Ron & Kelly, arrived in Lucknow and both teams were soon on their way in pre-paid taxis. Dodging cows, they headed for the Bara Imambara Palace to find the next clue.

Five minutes later, the second flight arrived with the remaining three teams. Uchenna & Joyce also took a pre-paid taxi, leaving Lynn & Alex and Meredith & Gretchen to negotiate with the crowd of overeager and incomprehensible taxi drivers outside the airport.

Teams arrived at the religious palace in quick succession and were told they could only enter the palace grounds with their heads covered (although the rules weren’t too clear on that point). Confusing the matter entirely were Indian men also visiting the palace, walking about with bare heads. But in a country of one billion people, you’ve got to expect more than a few scofflaws.

Ron & Kelly dress up in Lucknow, India. (Photo: courtesy CBS.com)

In any case, teams donned scarves of striped scarlet and sky blue (looking good, Ron!) and searched the grounds for their next clue, which sent them off on a horse-drawn tonga (or carriage) to the Kohinoor Steel Emporium. Here, teams encountered an ultimately pointless Yield (the second of three on the race) and the next Roadblock: Who has a lot of patience?
Rating: C+

The team member best at thinking inside the box had to search through more than 600 different sized tin boxes for one of ten that held their next clue—and presumably, avoid denting the merchandise while they were at it. The “you break it, you buy it” rule applies the world over.

The shiny tin boxes and narrow alleys topped with the ever-present gawking crowds made for an interesting location, but unfortunately, not a very exciting task. Was this really the most culturally relevant and interesting task the producers could find in Lucknow? How about a task that acknowledges the amazing economic changes taking place in India and how more and more North American companies are setting up call centres there? Just imagine Rob having to speak in a soothing, unaccented tone while explaining to some poor schmuck in Kentucky how to use Microsoft Office.

Kelly and Amber made quick work of the Roadblock. Arriving a short time later were the remaining three teams. Uchenna and Alex wasted no time and soon had their clues, leaving a worried Gretchen stranded amid hundreds of empty boxes. But a reassuring hug from Meredith soon put her back on track.

Once teams had finished their Christmas morning dry run and received the next clue, they were told to take a cycle rickshaw 3 miles (about 5 kilometres) to the Indane gas service station in the Aishbagh area.

In a heart-warming yet strange scene, crowds of locals ran with Meredith & Gretchen to the gas station, cheering them the whole way and even asking for their autographs. They must have thought Gretchen was a stuntwoman, what with her roughed-up face. Didn’t you know? Stuntwomen are revered in India! OK, that’s a stretch, but it is interesting to see the effect a camera crew can have on your status in some parts of the world. Maybe all the reality-TV people who are starved for fame should be banished to the far corners of India, with only a handycam for company. We’re looking at you, Jonathan & Victoria.

At the gas station, teams received the Detour: Solid or Liquid.
Rating: A

In Solid, teams traveled 1 mile (1.6 kilometres) to a coal depot, where they had to break up large chunks of coal into tiny pieces and fill up two burlap sacks with 175 pounds’ (roughly 79 kilograms) worth of it. Then they had to use a flatbed tricycle to carry the load four blocks to a nearby store.

In Liquid, teams traveled 3 miles (about 5 kilometres) to a tea stall, where they chose a cart with cups and a kettle on it and wheeled it 100 yards (about 91 metres) to a three-story office building. Taking one cup of tea at a time, teams had to search the floors for employees from a list of ten. When they found the right person, they would exchange the teacup for a business card. After delivering the tea to five employees on the list, teams had to return the cart and the business cards to the owner of the tea stall.

This Detour was excellent because teams had to serve the locals, run up and down the physically gruelling stairs, and work methodically and diligently to ensure the tea got to the right people.

One bad point: no team chose the coal task, indicating that the tasks obviously seemed unequal to the racers. This defeats the entire point of the Detour. Maybe they were all just hoping that “tea stall” was a euphemism for Dutch tea house. Don’t deny it, Gretchen, don’t deny it.

Uchenna & Joyce navigate the traffic and cows of Lucknow, India. (Photo: courtesy CBS.com)

A few teams bickered about whether to take a taxi or just hop on a rickshaw to get to the Detour task. Since there were legions of rickshaws on the street and not a taxi in sight, this conundrum was akin to waiting for a jumbo jet in a field of glider planes. Sure, Kelly and Lynn, your preference would be more reliable, but the time it would take to find a taxi would negate the time you’d save using one! In some countries, you just might not have the kinds of choices you’re used to having in North America. Heck, you don’t even get that choice in Manhattan at rush hour.

As usual, Rob drew on his patented blend of assertiveness, take-charge attitude, and diplomacy to get things done efficiently without alienating strangers. He should bottle this and sell it to ambassadors and world leaders. Or maybe just Lynn.

Things progressed as usual (read: Ron & Kelly followed Rob & Amber as blindly as lemmings off a cliff) and teams left the Detour in the order they arrived.

It was nice to see the “Amazing Race” editors show another side of India, different from the one seen at the beginning of this leg and in previous seasons. While pushy crowds, scamming cabbies, and old-fashioned farmers are a huge part of India, it is good for North American audiences to see the curious, friendly, energetic people shown in this episode. One could argue that a task involving the Indian business class would be as unenlightening as seeing footage of corporate North America, but this episode showed that there ARE cultural differences. In India, apparently, tea (amazingly not in white vente take-out cups) can be delivered directly to offices. Ah, the things you learn from “The Amazing Race. “

After receiving their clue from the friendly tea-stall owner, teams read the instructions to travel 1.5 miles (about 2.5 kilometres) to the roof of the Charbaugh Multi Story Flats, where they would find the next Pit Sss…sssay whuuuuu? Amber noted the strange wording of the clue: “Make your way to Phil on the mat.” None of the usual may-be-eliminated threats, no mention of a Pit Stop, although there was a helpful “Hurry Hurry Hurry!” tacked on the end.

As an obviously tired Lynn waited for his next clue, he groused, “I hope there’s a Pit Stop because I’m dead.” Good one, Lynn. When Murphy wrote his laws, he was thinking of people like you.

Rob & Amber pulled up to the mat and found Phil, looking all casual and "Everything's all hunky dory!" Anyone think that this was a decoy Phil? And the next task had something to do with answering questions about Phil, while the real McCoy sat somewhere on a nearby rooftop, sipping a cup of tea and laughing?

But then Phil (apparently the real one), finally able to put his degree in Mind Games to good use, cranked out the evil eyebrow and cackled, “Welcome to Lucknow. You guys probably think this is the end of the leg. I don’t want to hold you up; I have your other clue. You’re still racing. This leg is not over.” Cue thriller music.

That Phil is one hard worker. He has to banter with and fend off sweaty racers, explain tasks to viewers in very simple words, stand on a mat and point in different directions, and now do double time as a greeter AND a clue-giver! Hmmm, maybe there ARE decoy Phils. We’ll be watching you, Keoghan.

TEAM RANKING

Nope, you're not done yet. (Photo: courtesy CBS.com)

Rob & Amber—FIRST
Performance rating: A
This team continued their great racing on this leg. They worked the ticket counter at the Francistown Airport (the other faction worked equally hard, but it was still good to see them continuing to talk their way to whatever advantages possible), they were respectful of the locals, they were efficient at their tasks (though Amber was simply lucky at the Roadblock), and they were as nice as ever to each other. At the temple, Rob noted that it was built as a token of love—what with this temple and the Taj Mahal, Indian men sure know how to show their feelings—and he turned to Amber and said, “Imagine if I built you a place, it would look twice as nice.” Only Rob can put down an entire building and make it sound like the sweetest thing ever said. Let’s hope they drop the baggage known as Ron & Kelly.

Ron & Kelly—TO BE DETERMINED
Performance rating: B-
After a welcome break from the military references in the last leg, Ron was back in top form this week. The busy streets in Lucknow? Just like people fleeing the bombarded city of Baghdad. But of course! The resemblance is uncanny! Actually, the best part of this entire observation was Kelly apparently stifling laughter as she listened to Ron. Guess she’s not too fond of the military references, either. Team America stayed near the front of the pack this week, though barely through any effort of their own. For their placement, they had Rob & Amber (well, mostly Rob) to thank. He got the early plane tickets for them, he helped them with the taxis in Lucknow and he unwillingly showed them the way through the tea Detour (at least until he realized what was happening). And Ron thinks Rob is just lucky. Whatever it takes to make yourself feel better, buddy.

Uchenna & Joyce—TO BE DETERMINED
Performance rating: A-
The married couple raced well this leg, overtaking Lynn & Alex and then keeping their lead. And they continued their love affair with each other and the places they’ve visited. They were like rowdy kids on the rickshaw, whooping it up and enjoying the journey. And best spontaneous act of affection? “Walkin’ in the rain with the one I love,” Joyce said, with Uchenna replying appreciatively, “That’s nice to hear.” Seriously, the stork is bundling a baby as we watch, what with all this lovin’ going on.

Lynn & Alex—TO BE DETERMINED
Performance rating: B
Lynn wasted valuable time looking for a taxi instead of jumping on a rickshaw, which negated Alex’s rocking the Roadblock. Otherwise, their teamwork is serving them well. Bonus points for working the flights by cell phone. Hating Rob & Amber still hasn’t hurt them yet, though it’s growing more tiresome than Gretchen’s moaning. They seemed genuinely surprised that Rob & Amber didn’t Yield them. It’s kind of sad to see how preoccupied they are with the Survivors when the Survivors barely give them a passing thought.

Meredith & Gretchen—TO BE DETERMINED
Performance rating: B+
Gretchen never dreamed she and Meredith would make it this far. Well, we never thought they’d make it out of South America. But the retired couple has surprised everyone, making it at least part way through India, typically one of the roughest legs on the race. Despairing Gretchen may not have been the most patient person for that Roadblock (“We could be here all night…I’m just exasperated…I think I’ve opened every doggone box there is!”), but Meredith was incredibly supportive and both team members are clearly willing to keep going until they can’t go any further. Now if only they could make it out of last place.

Next time on “The Amazing Race”:

Fun with firecrackers. Amber gets shrill. Meredith talks nice to the camels but not to Gretchen.

TRAVEL LOG

Approximate distance travelled: 8,800 kilometres

Destinations:
Asia