The Schroeders (from left Stassi, Char, Hunter and Mark) were eliminated on last night's "The Amazing Race 8: Family Edition." (Photo: CBS)

The hometown curse strikes again.

The New Orleans–based Schroeders had a disappointing homecoming last night and were eliminated as the “The Amazing Race 8” rolled into the Big Easy.

Once again, the “Race” arrived at a destination mere weeks before a major natural disaster. First it was the Asian tsunami in season six, and now Hurricane Katrina. With this kind of reputation, ”Amazing Race” planners may not be so welcome when scouting out locations for future seasons.

But back to this season, which seems to have everything. Exotic locales, such as trailer house dealerships and BP gas stations, and world-famous attractions, including the world’s largest office chair. It really makes you want to get out there and see the world, doesn’t it?

Incidentally, the first-place prize was a trip to Orlando, including tickets to Universal Studios. Because there’s nothing like capping off a whirlwind tour of America with a trip to a major American tourist trap. E. Gads.

At least we were treated to one interesting location, namely the Talladega Superspeedway. It was great seeing teams get excited for what they thought was a lap in a race car, only to have their spirits cruelly crushed when they saw those ridiculous party bikes lined up at the starting line. (Also good at the racetrack: the awesome footage of the thunderstorm that seemed to be following racers the entire leg. Nice work, camera guys.)

PARTY (bike)! (Photo: CBS.com)

Racers were spared the effort of a Roadblock this leg, but were forced to do a little thinking to find the Pelican State (Louisiana, for those of you not familiar with bird mascots). This led them to Madisonville and the Detour: Work or Play.
Rating: B

In Work, teams had to take two two-person saws and cut 4 slices from a log 12 inches (about 30 centimetres) in diameter. All this while wearing plaid shirts.

In Play, teams had to paddle across to a riverboat and play blackjack against a professional blackjack dealer. Each team member’s cards would have to be equal or greater to the dealer’s in value—without going over 21—for the team to win the round, and they had to win three rounds. All this while wearing “period costumes” from the local public school’s production of "Showboat". Or maybe it was "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."

While the Detour required astute decision-making, it still just…sucked. Televised blackjack is as exciting as televised bocce. And sawing logs didn’t even slow Mama Paolo down. That means it wasn’t a make-it or break-it task, and THAT means it was pointless.

TEAM RANKING

Team Bransen—FIRST
Performance rating: A
Dad and daughters

Finally, we’ve got some personality coming out of this team! Who knew that three former commercial models would participate in “The SUV Moondance?” And they called Alabama “ugly”! Seems to be some piss and vinegar in those shampoo bottles.

And Wal-der’s showing more layers, too. When he watched his grown daughter moon a car full of strangers and then laughed, it clearly demonstrated he is not just a tired old man. No, he’s more than that; he’s a creepy old man.

Team Paolo—SECOND
Performance rating: B+
Dad, mom, two sons

We’re not jumping on the Paolo bandwagon or anything, but it has to be said: the Jersey family ran an excellent leg last night. Sure, DJ and Mom began their squabbles just steps from the starting mat, and Brian flipped out over a paper cut, but overall, they were relatively quiet and surprisingly functional. And it paid off—they moved from nearly last to second place, with what seemed to be a minimum of problems. We’ll have to give them a few more legs to see if they can keep it up, but one thing’s certain: the better they perform, the less they seem to argue, and that makes them somewhat bearable…so, go Paolos!? (We’re very conflicted right now.)

Team Linz— THIRD
Performance rating: A-
Siblings

The life jackets are a nice touch. (Photo: CBS.com)

They raced strongly from the start, staying in second for most of the leg, but they clearly hadn’t learned from the Buggy Detour debacle and picked the Detour that not only didn’t use their strength (namely, their strength) but also included an unknown variable (namely, the luck of the cards). At least they knew when to bail, though it cost them a placement. It was also good to see a team enjoying themselves, whether in the heat of the sun or by the light of the moon. Ahem.

Team Godlewski—FOURTH
Performance rating: B+
Sisters

They bickered from the get-go, continued shrieking, and stayed in fourth place. At least it’s easy to tell who’s who after this episode. Christine is the shrillest (seriously, her voice is the aural equivalent of Flo-Jo’s nails on the World’s Largest Chalkboard), who cried because she wanted to take her backpack. This is a good time to remind all of you that she is a mother. Of four. Somewhere out there are four shrieky little children high-fiving each other and yelling, “We got her! She doesn’t have a leg to stand on!”

Team Weaver—FIFTH
Performance rating: B
Widow and three kids

Blah blah blah task at a race car track blah blah blech. Come ON. We GET IT already. Executive producer Jerry Bruckheimer must have sent out the memo in all caps: BRING ON THE CRAZY. It’s depressing that the bigwigs on this show feel they have to manufacture drama when the show premise is inherently dramatic. Travelling quickly in foreign countries, interacting with people who have vastly different lifestyles than what North Americans are used to seeing on TV, learning about strange traditions, and making decisions with your teammates when you’re jetlagged and stressed beyond reason. Oh wait, there haven't been any foreign countries, different lifestyles, strange traditions, or jetlag this season. Right. Can’t wait for that checkered flag.

Oh, and Dear Mrs. Weaver...A Great Lake in Louisiana, huh? We pray that your kids aren't home-schooled.

Team Gaghan—SIXTH
Performance rating: A-
Dad, mom, kids

The Gaghans, hard at work. (Photo: CBS.com)

This was a killer leg for the Gaghans, but once again they just barely escaped elimination (and certain death in those "eeeevil" trailers). Mom and Dad were forced to take on most of the tasks themselves, both on the party bike power lap and the Detour (where they decided to give both options a try). It’s not like Carissa and Billy weren’t willing to help; they just weren’t able. True, Billy did pedal along with his parents at Talladega when Carissa’s legs came up short, but both kids were basically useless at the Detour. It’s probably just as well; minors aren’t supposed to be gambling anyway.

Team Schroeder—LAST
Performance rating: B-
Dad, stepmom, kids

Oh, Stassi: “I’m used to coming in first at everything I do. I want to be first all the time.” When will these teams learn that declaring your strengths and ambitions on this show always leads to foot-in-mouth disease?

Fatigue and the stress of the race (such as it is with this edition) seemed to catch up to the Schroeders on this leg. While searching for departure times at the trailer dealership, they gave up and accepted the last available option, even though an earlier time was still hiding somewhere in those mobile homes. They played a good game of blackjack but fell apart when it came to directions (that’s what happens when you don’t listen to local cops). Too bad Pa Schroeder took a page from Pa Rogers’ Book of Daddy Knows Best.

It wasn’t a disastrous leg, but it did put them those crucial minutes behind and ultimately in last place. Sometimes, minutes do matter. Oh well…at least they didn’t have far to go to get home.

Next time on “The Amazing Race”:

Host Phil Keoghan (the not-so-happy one on the left.) (Photo: CBS.com)

DJ faces his fears. And no, he doesn’t get fused to his mother.

The Godlewskis may have another non-breakdown, this time in what looks like the Dominican Republic. Unless Peru is the baseball capital of the world.

TRAVEL LOG

Approximate distance travelled: 932 kilometres

Destinations:
United States of America