  Scotty McCreery (C) celebrates after being announced as the winner of the 10th season of "American Idol" during the show's finale at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles, California May 25, 2011. REUTERS/Michael Becker/Fox/Handout
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They're back, dawg.
The kinder, gentler, Simon-free reinvention of American Idol -- that most inexplicably indestructible of television talent show juggernauts -- kicks off its 11th season Wednesday, the first of a two-part debut that continues Thursday (8 pm ET/PT on CTV and Fox both nights.)
This will mark the second season the show has been without acerbic man-boobed Brit judge Simon Cowell. Supping from the Coke-branded glasses will be the returning trio of Aerosmith's Steven Tyler, the block's Jennifer Lopez and it's-not-like-I've-got-anywhere-else-to-be-dawg's Randy Jackson.
Some argue the departure of Cowell at the end of Season 9 robbed Idol of its teeth and claws, despite J.Lo's assertions the judges will be tougher this time around. (Cowell jumped ship to the American version of The X Factor with former Idol judge Paula Abdul in tow, though he might be wondering if he made the right choice, with The X Factor USA's ratings trailing Idol's by 10 million viewers.)
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Not that Idol fans seem to mind. Although viewership has been on a slow decline for the past five years, American Idol remains the most-watched show on TV, with just shy of 30 million people in the U.S. tuning in to last season's finale. A staggering 122 million viewer votes were cast for that episode, propelling 18-year-old country crooner Scotty McCreery to victory over runner-up Lauren Alaina.
And while the verbal sparring continues between the creators and judges of Idol and their counterparts on NBC's upstart talent show The Voice (which will air concurrently with Idol later this season, albeit not in the same timeslot), The Voice doesn't have a prayer of challenging Idol's numbers. The mother of all singing contests may be slowing a little, but for the time being it remains unstoppable.
On Wednesday's American Idol debut we'll see the first round of auditions for this season, the episodes reviled by some Idolphiles for their inclusion of oddballs, whackjobs and utterly terrible singers, thrown into the mix by Idol's producers solely for the entertainment value.
But unlike Steven, J.Lo and Randy, we don't judge. Everyone should have a fair shot at winning American Idol. And based on what's gone down these past 10 seasons, we think we know how to do it.
1. Be a boy. Idol's audience is predominantly female, and, for better or for worse, tends to vote male. It was this phenomenon that saw last season's Pia Toscano, arguably the most talented performer of the lot, voted off the show in ninth place. There hasn't been a female Idol winner since Jordin Sparks in Season 6, nor a two-woman finale since Fantasia and Diana DeGarmo went head-to-head for the Idol title way back in Season 3.
2. Be accessible. No one likes a showoff, and contestants who have had the greatest success have been talented yet humble, interesting yet not challenging (as Adam Lambert learned when he lost to clean-cut conformist Kris Allen in Season 6.) It's a tightrope walk between being a superlative singer and making bathroom ballad belters feel that if you could win this, so could they. Relatability equals votes.
3. Sing country. McCreery and Alaina, last season's final two contestants, are both country singers; blame the economy (sales of country albums seem more unaffected by economic downturns than other types of music) or the average age of Idol's audience creeping higher with every season. And with seven Grammys and 12 million albums sold, Season 4 country superstar Carrie Underwood remains Idol's single biggest success story.
4. Don't win. They call it the Idol Curse, but maybe it's more about voters following their hearts instead of their ears. Either way, some of the biggest Idol successes haven't been winners --- Clay Aiken (runner-up, Season 2), Chris Daughtry (fourth place, Season 5), Adam Lambert (runner-up, Season 6) and Oscar-winner Jennifer Hudson (seventh place, Season 3) are among the contestants who have done significantly better than their respective season's winners.
5. Really, really don't win. When the dust settles after this season, we'll remember two types of Idol contestants: the ones who finished near the top, and the ones who made us laugh during the auditions. Can you recall a single Idol contestant who finished, say, between 12th and 24th place? No? How about William Hung, or Pants on the Ground Guy? Exactly. Fame is great, but infamy is a close second.
