  Ultimate class clown Jim Carrey would be a great fit as host of Are You Smarter Than A Canadian 5th Grader? (Tim Peckham, Sun Photo Illustration)
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Ask Jim Carrey.
What does Global have to lose?
The worst Carrey could do is say "no" with his butt-cheeks.
Global currently is trying to finalize a host for its five-episode game-show production called Are You Smarter Than A Canadian 5th Grader?
It's a spinoff of the surprisingly popular U.S. series Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?, which is hosted by American comedian Jeff Foxworthy.
Global is committed to finding a Canadian host. Movie star Jim Carrey is Canadian. Good fit, eh?
Carrey's film career hasn't been going so great lately. He still is beloved in the Great White North. And it's only five episodes, taped in a single week, so it isn't exactly a lifetime commitment or anything.
What better way for Carrey to reconnect with the Canadian public? And he just might have a lot of fun interacting with the kids, too.
Sure, the chances are slim. But you'll never know unless you ask.
Make the phone call, Global.
Of course, securing a host is not something Global had to worry about when it staged a five-episode Canadian run of Deal Or No Deal earlier this year. The U.S. version of Deal Or No Deal is hosted by Canada's Howie Mandel, who was only too happy to return home triumphantly for the Canadian gig.
That endeavour got a lot of publicity here, largely because Mandel's homecoming was a nice story. But the pressure is on Global now to find an appropriate master of ceremonies for 5th Grader, because if it's just some quasi-famous clown who nobody cares about, this whole shebang could fall as flat as the Prairies.
Here are some other suggestions for a Canadian host, ranging from the plausible to the implausible, from the intriguing to the insulting:
Mike Myers: Kind of in the same category as Carrey. A loyal Canadian kid. Would he do it on a whim?
Kiefer Sutherland: In every episode, at the last possible second, he could save the contestants from stupidity.
Jill Hennessy: Smart, sassy, easy on the eyes. Who says it has to be a man?
Pamela Anderson: Puberty has arrived, kids!
Tom Green: Please, Global, just say no.
Mike Bullard: See above.
Alex Trebek: Uh, does he have any experience with game shows?
Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Dave Thomas, Andrea Martin: SCTV alums could pull this off in their sleep.
Colin Mochrie, Wendy Crewson: Given the presence of these protesting Canadian actors at a loud demonstration which disrupted Global's fall-launch festivities, they certainly aren't shy about admitting they need the work.
Adam Beach: He's everywhere else on TV these days, so why not here, too?
Dan Aykroyd: A likable fella who might be good with the youngsters.
Don Cherry: His grammar would confuse and confound the kids. Might possibly be under contract to another network.
Tie Domi: Let's just say none of the children would be misbehaving.
Steve Nash, Kurt Browning, Rick Hansen: Canada produces more than just hockey players, you know.
Celine Dion, Shania Twain, Alanis Morissette: We now interrupt Are You Smarter Than A Canadian 5th Grader? while the host sings a medley of her hits.
Burton Cummings: He could warn the youth of today about the dangers of American women.
Michael Ignatieff: Well, CTV got Prime Minister Stephen Harper to appear on Corner Gas. Ignatieff, the deputy leader of the federal Liberal party, could explain to the children how they can prepare to lead Canadians by moving away from Canada for two and a half decades.
Leslie Nielsen: At age 81, he probably wouldn't be interested, but man, if this were 10 or 15 years ago, he'd be perfect.
And if it proves impossible to find a suitable Canadian ...
David Beckham: He appears to have a lot of spare time lately.
Victoria Beckham: Anything to stop that Spice Girls reunion.
Lindsay Lohan: Nothing like turning the title of the show back on its host.
