Tie Domi and Christine Hough-Sweeney perform at the Season Permiere of CBC's Battle of the Blades at Maple Leaf Gardens. (Handout)

Considering that it takes place entirely on ice, CBC's Battle of the Blades isn't the smoothest show around.

Technical glitches, a script snafu and a one-track-minded guest judge plagued the new reality TV series' premiere on Sunday night.

The good news is the Canadian take on Dancing With the Stars -- where retired hockey players learn how to figure skate, with the help of female pros -- is charming (thanks to sweethearts like Jamie Sale) and wholesome (even more so next week, when guest judge and former goalie Kelly Hrudey won't be around to hit on anything that skates).

And hey, what's not to love about watching tough guys adjust to toe picks, choreography and tight pants?

Toss all-Canadian co-hosts Kurt Browning and Ron MacLean, faux-serious judges Sandra Beznic and Dick Button and a packed Maple Leaf Gardens into the mix, and Battle is about as exciting as live Canadian TV gets. For what that's worth.

Right wing Claude Lemieux and three-time Olympian Shae-Lynn Bourne were the first to lace up. Playing off the night's classic rock theme, Lemieux proceed to put his hands behind his head and shake his hips -- which were previously only used for checking guys into the boards -- to the tune of George Thorogood's Bad to the Bone.

"I hope we don't have to see that again," judge Button said.

Ditto. But didja see him hoist her over his head like a Stanley Cup (something he's won three times)? Tres slick; and it got them their score of 17.0.

Olympic gold medalist Jamie Sale and winger Craig Simpson -- wearing the tightest white T-shirt known to man -- scored an also-impressive 16.8.

I'll assume any lost points were due to some cowboy choreography at the start of their routine. It's not only cheesy, but kinda humiliating to pretend to wave a lasso when you're not actually holding one. Mind you, I was amazed that Simpson was able to move his arms at all in that shirt.

The next victim of restrictive cotton was beefy-as-can-be ex-New Jersey Devil Ken Daneyko. Yes, he's a brawny man, but when he picked up his cruise ship performer partner Jodeyne Higgins and started spinning her by an ankle and an arm, I was nervous (not gonna lie). Thankfully nothing hit the ice that wasn't supposed to -- except for, possibly, some tears of relief from Higgins. Their score: 16.5.

Next to plummet was left winger Stephane Richer and fellow francais partner Marie-France Dubreuil, with a measly 16.2. They got no pity from the judges -- given that Dubreuil had taken a horrible tumble that knocked her unconscious earlier in the week. To make up for it -- and their lacklustre performance to We Will Rock You -- Richer kept ruffling Dubreuil's hair like you do to your dog when he brings you your slippers.

Speaking of footwear, what gave Bob Probert the right to wear hockey skates in a figure skating competition? Oh, right: The fact that he's Bob Probert, and can kick your @$$. The guy is 6'4" -- a.k.a. way too tall to be spinning on ice. Hopefully his partner Kristina Lenko has realized that is a very long way to fall -- but she survived their Born to Be Wild number, which scored a 16.0.

The night finally took a turn for the better when Hall of Famer Glenn Anderson took the ice with Isabelle Brasseur, and actually remembered to bring charisma. Instead of sporting a dejected-goalie expression like his fellow stick handlers, he smiled his way to a 16.9.

Wearing a shirt straight out of his Studio 54 days, old-timer Ron Duguay accepted Anderson's challenge -- and he and bubbly partner Barbara Underhill took it up several notches, continuing Probert's hockey skate trend (they both wore 'em) and pulling in the night's best digits (17.3).

Not even Tie Domi -- the notorious fighter that he is -- could top Duguay. But his highly anticipated figure skating debut -- where he glided around to the Rolling Stones' Satisfaction while his hot partner Christine Hough-Sweeney and her short skirt did all the work -- somehow amazed the judges, who handed him a 17.0. What they should have given him was two minutes for lack of coordination.

Even so, Domi's not going anywhere soon. Bob Probert or Stephane Richer? Maybe so. We'll see when the results -- determined by viewer votes -- are revealed Monday night.

Next week, the pucksters perform to the music of Frank Sinatra (yes!) and CBC calls on Don Cherry to sit on the panel (double yes!). At last, Grapes has found a gig flashier than his suit collection!