Battle of the Blades doesn't just sound like a competition that will end when somebody gets cut.
That really will be the case on Monday, when the hockey-players-learn-figure-skating reality series on CBC slices not just one, but two pairs, in order to reveal its winning couple.
After six weeks of performances, we're left with three retired pucksters and their beautiful pro skaters: Craig Simpson and Jamie Sale, Claude Lemieux and Shae-Lynn Bourne and Stephane Richer and Marie-France Dubreuil.
Tomorrow's one-hour show, from Toronto's Maple Leaf Gardens, will see the couples perform two routines -- a pairs piece set to a song of their choice, and a group number.
The couple that receives the best scores from judges Sandra Bezic and Dick Button and the most viewer votes after the show will be handed a $100,000 cheque for their chosen charity on Monday's one-hour results episode -- which also includes performances by all eight BotB pairs, co-host Kurt Browning and some of the show's pro skaters.
And now, let's, ahem, cut to the chase and look at the three pairs still vying to wear the blades of glory:
Shae-Lynn Bourne & Claude Lemieux
Skating For: Make-A-Wish Canada
Signature Lift: The one in which Shae-Lynn swung from Claude's neck -- without strangling him!
Why They Deserve It: If any hockey player has got his head out of the game and into the art of figure skating, it's Claude. The romantic charmer was the first to pull off a one-handed lift, and has enough grace to make us suspect he spent his off-seasons practising ballet. Plus, he gets bonus points for providing the vocals for the cover of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah that he and Shae-Lynn performed to last week.
Why They Don't: Dubreuil and Richer have earned perfect 6.0s; Sale and Simpson have scored straight 5.9s. But these two have yet to come out with a memorable, stand-out routine.
Marie-France Dubreuil & Stephane Richer
Skating For: MA Foundation
Signature Lift: The Richer Lift, in which Stephane does two reps with Marie-France hoisted over his head like a barbell.
Why They Deserve It: These two have faced the most adversity -- by far. They got off to a rough start, with Stephane dropping Marie-France in the first week of rehearsals. They were in the Bottom 2 for four out of the competition's six weeks. And while they earned a near-perfect 17.9 from the judges this past week, Marie-France suffered a back injury that made her unable to perform in last Monday's danceoff. The fact that they're even still in the competition means "sexy" Stephane is THAT good -- or they've got nine lives.
Why They Don't: Because they've been on the chopping block almost every week.
Jamie Sale & Craig Simpson
Skating For: Spinal Cord Injury Treatment Centre (Northern Alberta) Society
Signature Lift: The Simpson-Sale Jugular -- Jamie swinging around Craig with her skates wrapped around his neck.
Why They Deserve It: If there's one BotB routine I won't forget, it's Simpson and Sale's Austin Powers piece. Sure, thanks to Craig's costume, there's now a country-wide shortage of blue crushed velvet. But it was well worth it to see him in full-on Man of Mystery mode -- and attempting the competition's first Lutz jump, to boot. That alone gets this pair my vote.
Why They Don't: Simpson has established himself as the show's entertainer, but he's still not half as graceful as Richer and Lemieux.