Tonight on The Bachelor: Paris -- the Most Shocking Elimination Ever! The Best Bachelor Ever! The Cattiest Women Ever!
Not to mention the first Winnipegger ever.
Local contestant Sarah Blondin is the last of 25 bachelorettes to meet Nashville ER doctor Travis Stork, but we have to believe she makes an impression when she steps out of a limo in front of the 14th-century chateau where Stork is auditioning potential mates.
"It's a pleasure to meet you! Aaaaggh!" the 23-year-old Fino Clothing clerk gushes, before slipping into classic hosette mode -- "Not too bad, eh?"she says as she checks out the digs. During a later conversation with Travis, she pronounces his interest in camping "wicked." Beauty, eh?
Like the rest of the women in the manhunt, Blondin proclaims herself thrilled with the prize hunka hunka burnin' love.
"Oh my God! He's amazing!" she says in a clip that's repeated at least twice during the one-hour show, airing tonight on ABC Ch. 7 and City Ch. 8 at 9 p.m.
But her reaction is relatively tame compared with some women who do everything but fling their panties at the Stork during the opening cocktail party.
"He's ridiculously gorgeous! I think we'd make hot little babies together!" Boston model Jennifer says.
If that isn't creepy enough, a 33-year-old Florida doctor named Allie G. takes the maternal theme way over the top, claiming she's desperate to mate and procreate -- right now.
"Quite frankly, my eggs are rotting."
Thanks for sharing. By the way, Allie gets our vote as the woman most likely to throw a massive hissy fit after the first rose ceremony, when Stork jettisons 13 women from the harem. In teasers shown in the first half hour -- the last 15 minutes were deleted from our preview tape -- a woman who sounds much like Allie confronts Stork with angry questions about why he didn't pick her, snapping, "You don't find me attractive -- I'm too short, I have small boobs!"
You go girl. Go bananas.
Let's hope Blondin takes a cue from that noisy departure. If the would-be actress -- she has a tiny part in forthcoming teen thriller Tamara -- is looking to get noticed, a rollicking TV scrapfest could be just the ticket.
At least we're assuming our local lass signed up for publicity reasons, or possibly the free trip to Gay Paree. The sad alternatives are just too horrible to contemplate.
As for Stork, we have no idea why a hunky 33-year-old ER doctor -- nurses at Nashville's Vanderbilt Medical Centre supposedly call him Dr. McDreamy -- can't get a date with a woman who hasn't been procured for him.
It would be fun if a gay porn video surfaced during the show's run -- even more fun if it were a fetish video involving processed cheese products -- but we suspect Stork's lack of female companionship has more pedestrian roots. He claims he's been so busy with his medical career -- saving lives and all, you know -- he just hasn't had a spare minute to find his one true TV love.
He'll have plenty of time during the eighth Bachelor series, as he gradually culls the herd in weekly rose ceremonies. If he likes a woman, he gives her a rose and asks her something dorky, like "would you like to continue this journey with me?" She can say no -- although for some it would be the first time, know-what-I-mean? But it seems the ladies are always game for more. Stay tuned to see which ones are still in the hunt next week.
