  Dallas commercial pilot Jake Pavelka chose 23-year-old Florida marketing rep Vienna Girardi during the final rose ceremony of 'The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.' |
Most disappointing Bachelor finale. Ever. :(
It turns out all of the web rumours were true: Dallas commercial pilot Jake Pavelka chose 23-year-old Florida marketing rep Vienna Girardi over bubbly 25-year-old college admissions rep Tenley Molzahn of Oregon during the final rose ceremony of The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.
The ABC reality matchmaking series came to a non-shocking — albeit disheartening — end on Monday night, when Jake got down on one knee and gave Vienna the exact engagement ring she’d been hoping for: Princess cut, of course!
I haven’t a doubt millions of Bachelor fans collectively grumbled in the final moments of the series’ 14th season. Here’s my play-by-play of the two-hour episode and its one-hour After the Final Rose followup. Yes, that adds up to three hours of my life that I will never get back. Ever!
Meeting the Parents: Tenley
Sugary-sweet Tenley is going to be the first to meet Jake’s family — and I have no doubt they’re going to love her to pieces. And they do. Um, almost too much. In fact, Jake’s mom had better look out, because his dad seems a little too smitten. Either that, or he bursts into tears randomly during every family gathering. And the entire family jumping into the pool together at the end of the get-together. Just priceless (sniff sniff).
Meeting the Parents: Vienna
“I’m worried,” Vienna says before the big introductions. And she should be! Girl might as well be waving a huge red flag. Her dress is way too flirty for a visit with the parents, and she wastes no time telling the fam that she didn’t get along with any of the girls in the house. “I feel like I’m trying to talk people into Vienna,” he says. Well pal, if you give her that final rose, you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life. (OK, so his family did come around and end up nearly as impressed with V as they were with Tenley ... but still!).
The Last Date: Vienna
Where do you take the woman you’ve “fallen in love with” on your possible last date? To an active volcano! Jakey and V’s afternoon of bathing in mud is surprisingly steamy, and their evening of sharing their feelings over copious flutes of bubbly is even sexier. The good news? My gag reflex is in great working order.
The Last Date: Tenley
Truth be told: Jake still acts like a giddy schoolboy every time he sees Tenley. But despite their glorious afternoon of snorkeling and tanning under the beautiful St. Lucia sun, he wastes little time addressing the baby elephant in the room. “Sometimes the physical chemistry doesn’t feel quite as hot as the emotional chemistry,” Jake tells her. Great, they’re weeks into their relationship, and the passion has already fizzled. Confused, she starts frantically lighting candles when they get back to the hotel, in a desperate attempt to turn up the heat. She wants answers. He feels bad for hurting her feelings. This is so not good. It’s so over.
The Rings
OK, so somebody help me figure this out: Jake is choosing an engagement ring — but he doesn’t know who it’s for? So he chooses two? I know this is Bachelor tradition, and all — for the man to choose rings for each of the final two women — but it’s one I’ll never understand. Ever!
The Final Rose Ceremony
As troubling as these past few days in St. Lucia have been for Jake, Tenley and Vienna, the scenery for the viewers at home has been amazing. And as the season is coming to a climax, as are the spectacular views as the bachelorettes board their helicopter shuttles (separate, of course) to the last rose ceremony. Tenley is the first one out of the chopper — a nine out of 10 chance she’s not The One (judging by past rose ceremonies). Something doesn’t feel right — and, indeed, it’s not. “Something’s missing,” Jake says. She appreciates his honesty — as much as it hurts. There is no shortage of tears. But it’s still the most. Amicable. Bachelor. Breakup. Ever!
Cue the heartbroken Bachelor-over-the-banister-scene — and enter Vienna.
I don’t know if it’s the HD technology (this is the first Bachelor season to use it) or what, but this rose ceremony is making me seasick. Clearly, Jake didn’t get that letter I wrote him last week — and he’s really going to go through with all of this. Quick, somebody get me a banister!
He’s down on one knee. There’s the princess-cut ring — just like the one V requested. He’s doing it. Oh, please, no! Suddenly, I’m regretting scarfing back all of that wine and pizza at the beginning of the show.
After the Final Rose
Ever since Jason dumped Melissa for Molly last year, Bachelor fans have been on their toes for After the Final Rose (hey, that rhymes). And I imagine many fingers were crossed that Jake would dump Vienna and get back with Ali this time. But that’s not what happened. Instead we got a friendly chat between Jake and Tenley, and mucho smooching between Jake and his still-to-be-wife Vienna (along with them gushing about their plans to move in together — immediately).
The most shocking moment? A commercial announcing Jake will be a contestant on the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars (along with Pamela Anderson and — OMG! — Kate Gosselin). Least shocking? That Ali will be the next Bachelorette (can’t wait!). And so ends The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love. Jake has found his copilot. Like it or not.
lindsey.ward@sunmedia.ca
