With pot-stirrer Craig M. back home in Toronto — and virtually unseen Chris H. back in B.C. — Justin the ’rassler is now the sole Canadian man representing our home and native land on The Bachelorette.
Whether or not he makes it to the end of this episode is questionable, judging by the trailer I’ve seen. He’s certainly not getting the night’s first one-on-one date with Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky — that’s going to dreamy Roberto, and it involves a helicopter ride and a very high drop.
“Are you ready to fall for me?” Ali asks Robbie (pun intended).
There are many things I would do for love — but walking on a tightrope 20 stories in the sky ain’t one of them. I’ve always known you have to have your head in the clouds to be on this crazy show — but this is a bit ridiculous.
Whatever the case, this adventurous date scores Roberto big points — and he continues to rack ’em up at dinner when Ali discovers how cultured he is. Ooo, he knows stuff about the world! Swoon! (Take note, all of you single men out there.)
Not only does he get a rose, but he also lands a steamy makeout sesh. No shocker there.
If only the group date could be as romantic. Ali brings the rest of the men to a dingy industrial area, where — brace yourselves, boys — members of the Barenaked Ladies are performing One Week. (Is it just me, or are producers obsessed with Canadians this season?) They switch to their new track You Run Away, which, apparently, the group is going to make a music video to go with. Because, you know, they can act and stuff.
So Ali slaps Frank across the face for nine takes, makes out with Kirk long after the director yells “cut” and forces Jonathan “The Weatherman” into a liplock just to shut him up.
“It was all wrong,” Weatherman says of the “kiss”, and begins to cry.
He talks the incident over with Ali afterwards, and she brushes it off in what becomes one of the most awkward scenes so far this season. These two have the least chemistry ever! And the Weatherman thinks he’s getting a rose? Most deluded dude in Bachelorette history!
At least when Frank gets all insecure and jealous-like, he’s still endearing. And he has reason to be a little worried, after Ali and Kirk’s hot ’n’ heavy video shoot (which we don’t see much of in the actual video — a cheese-tastic clip that basically consists of Ali running a la Forrest Gump). After this episode, Kirk is a contender.
“He makes me feel safe,” Ali says of the sales consultant. “He makes me feel appreciated.” Yep, looks like Roberto’s not the only one who’s racking ’em up.
And this is only making things harder on Justin — the last Canadian left standing. Well, sort of. The guy’s been on crutches since Week 1, and that still hasn’t gotten him the attention he craves (and being an entertainment wrestler called Rated-R, I’m guessing he craves a lot).
So in a last-ditch effort, Toronto’s Justin hobbles through the hills of L.A. to pay Ali a surprise visit. What a trooper! He shares a tender moment with her where he reveals his past family life hasn’t been as great as he hopes his future family life will be — and scores a ride home. Sweet!
The whole ordeal cuts into poor Texas gentleman Hunter’s date with Ali — though that’s probably a relief to all involved (and everyone watching). It’s the most lifeless date in Bachelorette history, complete with a “feast” of hotdogs and packaged burger patties and an unsexy hot tub scene where the jets were the only things in motion.
So Hunter gets sent home rose-less — and the attention is quickly refocused on Justin, who is now the one the rest of the guys are ganging up on (what ever happened to the Weatherman?).
A baffled Justin insists he’s on the show for the right reasons — all he wants is a wife and best friend ... Is that too much to ask?
Though no one can tell if it’s just an act or not. Frankly, neither can I.
“I think tonight Rated-R stands for ‘retired,’ ” says Craig R. at the cocktail party.
Not so fast, Craig. “R” can also stand for “rose” — and that’s the case this week. Unlike Steve (who can’t pop off a champagne top to save his life) and John C. (who, like the Weatherman, needs to pull himself out of that puddle of whine), Justin gets one of those thorny suckers pinned on his lapel. He is officially the new Vienna.
Next week: Ali takes the boys to New York City, and they get to appear in a Broadway production of The Lion King. Oh, great; encourage them to be dramatic. That’s all we need.