July 21, 2012
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SJP

TV Show: Bachelorette

Dos and don'ts of dating Emily
By SAMIE DURNFORD, QMI Agency





Emily Maynard's season on The Bachelorette didn't skimp on drama and surprises.

Men cried.

Emily swore.

There were sappy love notes.

And such d-bag lines as this gem from Ryan Bower: "(Emily) is definitely going to be somebody's trophy wife and I'm pretty sure that I've got a good shot at that being mine."

Also, we got to see Emily go "backwoods West Virgina," as she calls it, on the biggest jerk of the season: Kalon.

After stating she wanted to "rip his limbs off" when he made a comment about her daughter being baggage, Emily threw the southern belle act out the door before telling him to, "Get the f--- out!"

Finally, it came down to two guys.

Arie -- being a frontrunner from the beginning -- seems to be a definite for the win since she's been smitten with him since day one.

Jef, however, snuck up on all the guys and hits a special spot with Emily.

Who's the best pick to go home with Emily after Sunday's finale on ABC and Citytv?

It's a toss-up.

Both guys have been pretty great from the beginning (minus Arie's dishonesty when Emily found out he had dated one of the show's producers).

And along the way, we've learned a few dos and don'ts when it comes to dating Emily Maynard (just in case you ever get the chance).

Don't: Tell her you like the work she's had on her face/butt/boobs/personality.

Do: Have hipster hair.

Don't: Bring an egg on a first date.

Do: Console her after she's dumped some other guy. Run after her (read: make out) in a dark alley, after yelling her name like she's a lost dog.

Don't: Have a real job. That wouldn't be very exciting, would it?

Do: Lie about your past. You never would have got on the show if it wasn't for your producer ex-girlfriend.

Don't: Ever question her dating past, like what happened with her last Bachelor engagement, her late NASCAR-driving fiance, or his money she's living off of.

On that note, DO: Drive a racecar. It can't hurt.

Do: Tell her you love her, a lot. Do it every time you see her, at least two to four times.

Don't: Ever consult a travel guide. Emily's a walking Lonely Planet guide.

Don't: Forget the spray tan. Chances are you'll be going somewhere tropical and a sunburn is not sexy at all. Oh, also make sure your abs are in tip-top shape so she'll know you're husband quality.

Do: Cry. It's the only way she'll see your soft man side that she digs.

Don't: Call her a trophy wife. She hates being noticed for her looks (except when she's in a bikini on national television, only then is it appropriate).

Do: Have a cool name like John "Wolf" or Jef with one F.

Don't: Play well with other guys. Rage is a plus for Emily.

Do: Write love notes. Lots of them. She wants to know you're literate.

Don't: Forget to talk about your failed relationships. This is a turn-on for Emily.

Do: Wear skinny jeans while shooting a gun. Unrealistic style is a must at all times.

samie.durnford@sunmedia.ca




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