Conan O'Brien may be back in New York, but he's still working on his French.

Last night, on O'Brien's first show back in the Big Apple after his week of hosting from Toronto, the late-night talk-show host issued an apology on behalf of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

The nasty puppet pooch pooped all over Quebecers at their annual Winter Carnival in a controversial sketch on last Thursday's Late Night With Conan O'Brien.

After performing his usual monologue, O'Brien began his apology with the help of an interpreter who "translated" his comments into French:

O'BRIEN: "People of Quebec, I'm sorry."

TRANSLATOR: "People of Quebec, I'm an albino jackass."

O'BRIEN: "We meant no harm with our comedy piece the other night."

TRANSLATOR: "The other night, I wet the bed like a little girl."

O'BRIEN: "I was a stranger in a strange land and I was very insensitive."

TRANSLATOR: "I have a small penis."

O'BRIEN: "Quebec, your lively and rich culture is a treasure to Canada, and your unique heritage deserves only praise, not ridicule."

TRANSLATOR: "I have never known the touch of a woman and I never will."

O'BRIEN: "Again, please accept my heartfelt apologies."

TRANSLATOR: "Did I mention I have a small penis?"

NBC is now bracing for attacks from the SSPP (Society of Small Penis People).