On tonight's Lost, the castaways stumble upon a Wilson volleyball that talks back.

Special guest voice: Lee Majors!

OK, so maybe we haven't achieved critical mass yet, but with the spellbinding ABC castaway saga (at 7 p.m. on CTV, 10 p.m. on ABC) kicking off a final run of fresh freaky episodes heading to May 24's two-hour sophomore season finale, this faithful viewer admits the last several instalments have left him wondering if all the head-scratching coincidences and one-step-forward-two-steps-back plotting is ever going to amount to more than just a big bundle of bananas.

After all, we've already seen the survivors of doomed Oceanic flight 815 contend with smoke creatures, steel hatches, blacklight maps, crazed mental patients posing as shrinks, visions of horses and deceased loved ones, the plane wreckage of long-dead Nigerian drug smugglers, flaky French women, a Bizarro tribe of fake-beard-wearing child-kidnappers who call themselves the "Others" and a basement that looks suspiciously like FemBot headquarters from the Six Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman crossover of '76.

Oh, and there's the matter of the button you have to push every 108 minutes to keep the world from imploding.

True, all of these divergent pieces could still logically lock together. And, if not for the sluggish storytelling that has bogged down the midsection of Year Two -- the first half of the season was exquisitely spooky entertainment -- maybe we wouldn't be quite as concerned. But we are. And we're not alone.

Lost, like all series that generate a cult following, is a favourite of bloggers and Internet denizens who have no qualms about expressing their frustration with the drama's increasingly-unwieldy plotting and lack of forward momentum.

Is Lost, like other mythology-building shows such as Alias and The X-Files, destined to repeat the same pattern?

Or can it somehow juggle the demands of the audience (they want answers, now!) with the requirements of weekly television (if they answer all the questions, there's no show).

The next crucial month may hint at which path Lost's cadre of creators (including M:i:III director J.J. Abrams, who has been M.I.A. this season while gallivanting around the globe with Tom Cruise) are fated to take.

At first blush, tonight's episode seems a good start -- with Michael, missing since he traipsed into the jungle in search of his kidnapped son Walt, finally returning to camp and conflict with the Others seemingly unavoidable. Here are 10 things we want to see happen:

The blacklight map leads to a disco where Ginger and Mary-Ann toil as Go-Go dancers: Or at least it should lead somewhere. We're not fussy. We just don't want to wait another 12 months before learning the meaning of the mysterious map Locke saw projected on the wall of the hatch during a lockdown. But then what do we know? The map is already the subject of countless websites eagerly dissecting it.

They blow up the hatch: Don't get us wrong. We love that the island has a rumpus room. We love that it used to be the hub of a para-psychological experiment fronted by an organization known as the Dharma Initiative. We even love the Dharma-brand cereal boxes. What we don't love is the locale's enigmatic dread being vacuumed away by having blase characters saunter around like there's nothing ominous about it. Hey, it's just an abandoned laboratory in the middle of the jungle, right? Worse recent line of dialogue: "We found another hatch," Kate tells Jack, like it's as much an everyday occurrence as the fetching fugitive stripping to her skivvies.

They get Walt back: The return of Walt's dad Michael would seem to signal this is just around the corner. But don't be too sure. While Lost unfolds in near-real time (the characters have only been stranded for about two months), the actor who plays Walt has already hit puberty and to bring him back (short of recasting the role) would require explaining why he's aging so rapidly.

Desmond pushes people's buttons: Desmond, you'll recall from this season's premiere, was the last occupant of the hatch. Shortly after being discovered, he went skipping off into the jungle and hasn't been seen since. (He also, as flashbacks revealed, previously met Jack at a crucial point in the troubled doctor's life.) But fear not -- the writers haven't forgotten about the mangy mystery man. He'll apparently return prior to the season finale -- in the flashbacks of another of the castaways. (Do we detect a pattern?)

The island's murderous monster is revealed, Scooby Doo-style, to actually be Mr. Rourke: First, it rumbled like a dinosaur or some other breed of prehistoric beastie. Then it started to hiss and clank like a giant, cantankerous steam engine. And since then, the island's resident, fear-inspiring monster has been revealed to be ... Puffy The Magic Dragon? (The aforementioned blacklight map makes mention of a "Cerebrus," referring to the mythical watchdog of Hell. Draw your own conclusions.)

No more reruns!: ABC should consider the abbreviated season template pioneered by Fox's real-time thriller 24. True, you have to wait until January for the new season, but once it begins, it airs every week like pulse-pounding clockwork until the finale. Following 24's example would mean Lost wouldn't lose its narrative momentum due to reruns and preemptions.

Jack and Kate play hide the coconut: We realize romantic tension is key to the majority of dramatic stories. We also realize they've only been stranded for eight weeks, give or take. But we're increasingly less teased than bored by the stop/start/stop again Jack/Kate/Sawyer triangle. Like the show's writers, Kate needs to make a decision and stick with it. (At least until next year.)

Hurley and Libby play hide the ... ewww, never mind: We forgave the worst moment of this season thus far -- rotund Hurley and his newfound love interest, the inexplicably attractive Libby, overturning vats of ranch dressing so he wouldn't eat it -- when it was revealed Libby is a mental patient from the same hospital Hurley was formerly institutionalized in.

Ana Lucia comes across crazed Latino-cop-eating cannibals: We gave the show's scribes the benefit of the doubt when they had surly Ana Lucia (Michelle Rodriguez) accidentally gun down blond tart Shannon (Maggie Grace). And while we appreciate any excuse to have sullen Sayid (Naveen Andrews) turn torturer, we can't help but wish it had been Ana Lucia on the wrong side of the barrel.

Cull the tribe: We're not suggesting knocking off Jack, Kate, Locke, Sawyer or even Charlie. We just mean one of the many extraneous characters we couldn't care less about (Libby, Ana Lucia, Mr. Eko -- take your pick.) Word is we might get our wish -- the season finale purportedly features at least one significant demise, although there's no word on whose tribal fire gets snuffed.