Fire up the Tiki torch and pass the fried chicken: Survivor: Racist Islands begins tonight (8 p.m., Global and CBS).
Actually it’s Cook Islands, but it should be Cooked Islands. More about that in a moment.
Seems executive producer Mark Burnett got the idea to divide tonight’s four initial tribes along racial lines: Whites, Blacks, Asians and Hispanics. You might have read about this somewhere, or seen Global’s subtle on-air promos: “THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL SURVIVOR EVER!”
It’s almost as if they see controversy as some sort of marketing opportunity. Sheesh.
Anyway, some folks are convinced that this is the end of the world. There were protesters in New York City, some presumably bearing Tiki torches. Advertisers were lobbied. Doritos consumption plummeted.
Letters were written to editorial pages. Some wondered if “Religious Survivor” or “Nuclear Survivor” would be next. The worldwide price of oil plummeted, although some saw that as a coincidence.
Burnett, of course, has done it again. Tossed a hand grenade on to the TV schedule and spiked ratings for his flagship reality show, now in its 13th edition. He knows controversy is key to marketing this schmozzolla. Richard Hatch naked, Richard Hatch gay, Richard Hatch imprisoned for tax evasion — all good.
He also knows casting is crucial, and here is where people should really be up in arms: Despite the fact that 70,000 people applied, they all, apparently, were white. Burnett had to go to central casting to meet his racial quotas. Who knew there were so few Hispanics in Los Angeles?
Seems all the available Hispanics, Blacks and Asians have SAG cards: Thirteen of the 20 Cook Islands castaways are Californians. Nine are from L.A. Most of them are actors.
One dude, Jonathan Penner, wrote and produced the TV-movie The Lone Ranger. Somebody named Sekou Bunch was in something called Wild Orchid II: Two Shades Of Blue. Two others had speaking roles on all three CSIs.
If you’re going to “cook” this show and stock it with actors, why stop there? Was Jimmy “J. J.” Walker unavailable? (“Survivor is Di-No-Mite!”) Can’t use Sandra Oh — Canadian. Surely George Lopez could have been the go-to guy for gags. And the head of the white tribe? Hello Mel Gibson.
Survivor frontman Jeff Probst, putting out fires on talk shows all week, said it’s about time the show tackled ethnicity head on. “When you’re talking with a group of white people,” he said, “it doesn’t come up. White people are mutts, we’re just white, we don’t have any ethnicity we hold on to.”
It’s true that in the past, Survivor has been knocked for a lack of diversity in its casting. Some editions seemed comprised of too many skinny white models. Others, just too many white people from Texas.
Burnett believes that the series will show that “behaving like an asshole isn’t the exclusive right of any particular race.” He also believes that “racial differences are unlikely to matter one iota when the modern world is removed.” On a desert island, he continued, “where economics and social class count for nothing, it’s simply your ability to build a fire and catch fish that becomes of paramount importance.”
Or, apparently, your ability to throw to camera, snap off a wisecrack or read a script — or, more importantly, to fall into the specific “types” that makes this series compelling.
Burnett could have the most illuminating motives in the world for playing this race card. Stocking it with actors calls everything into question. I’ll go tally the votes.
