Fans have waited through umpteen months and one really crappy football game but the day has finally arrived. Sixteen new gameshow hamsters are flown via a Caribou aircraft (on loan to the producers from the Australian Air Force) to North Queensland, Australia, for 42 days of backbreaking challenges and nefarious backstabbing. To start things off, two are already puking into barf bags while host Jeff Probst intros the show while sitting with his legs precariously hanging out of the open cargo hold for an ultra cool shot. One wonders does Jeff get danger pay?
Touching down on an abandoned airstrip, the hamsters have five minutes to salvage what they can from their tribe's crate. Most importantly, they need to take as much water as they can because the water in the river they will be situated on is undrinkable unless it is boiled first. To make it to their respective camps (situated four miles from one another), the tribes must hike five miles through the outback lugging their gear. At their camp will be a flag and a canoe. Nothing more. Does this set-up sound familiar? Well, it should. Throughout the first episode of Survivor 2, the producers don't show much creativity at all as they heavily rely on the original's blueprint as do the Survivors who have obviously studied the first season and come into the game prepared.
KUCHA TRIBE HAPPENINGS
* Kucha stumbles out of the starting gate and doesn't get back to their feet in Episode One. They are disorganized and sloppy. Nick Brown, the U.S. Army officer is in charge of the compass. It looks like he didn't pay much attention during their survival drills because he gets Kucha lost on two occasions. Mistaking the outback for Cell Block A, Debb Eaton is seen rounding up the other hamsters and barking orders left, right and centre. Not a good way to make friends early on in the game. Dot Com geek, Jeff Varner, is shaping up to be the Ramona of Survivor 2. He's hacking and spewing his guts out already. I can't wait to see how Jeff fares in next week's redundant reprise of the critter-eating challenge.
* Michael Skupin, the Bill Gates of Kucha, and Rodger Bingham, the farmer - teacher from Kentucky, butt heads over constructing the shelter. The one thing Kucha has going for them is that their shelter seems very steady and well put together.
* In another throwback to the first Survivor, the Kucha hamsters have a playfully naughty discussion while turning in for the night. I wonder where they got that idea, eh? The subject of masturbation comes up and Debb is clearly annoyed at where this discussion is heading. During a free moment when he isn't coughing up his cookies, Jeff complains about Kimmi's non-stop yack-yack yacking. He would just love to wrap his hands around her throat and choke the life out of her to shut her up. Oh, can you feel the love? I can.
* On Day Two, Michael finds some delicious figs. Everyone is excited until they open them up and discover that inside they are teaming with bugs. Jeff says he is "starving" but not hungry enough to eat that crap. Having read a bunch of camping books to prepare herself for Survivor, Debb attempts to start a fire. No dice. Rodger greases his road to hell in the afterlife by tearing non-scripture pages out of his Bible just in case they spark a flame. And, wouldn't you know it, there's a cute little note of encouragement from his family which just happens to be tucked inside it. And, wouldn't you know it, Rodger has forgotten his glasses so someone has to read it out loud to him so that everyone can hear how much he is loved. Awwww. Something tells me there is more to this crafty guy than meets the eye. Someone also suggests that Rodger hand them the page with the "burning bush" on it. Heh. Heh.
OGATOR TRIBE HAPPENINGS
Ogator basically makes a tent for their shelter using Colby's Texas flag. Yeah, that will keep out the wind and rain. Keith, the grumbling gourmet and Jerri, the aspiring actress, bickered about the placement of a support beam. Jerri finds Keith's comments condescending. Keith makes it up to Jerri by allowing her to pound her drum as the tribe tries to light a fire with a bow-like, spining thing. Wow. That sure helps. There's a lot of smoke but no fire.
CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE
An obstacle course of sorts. There's a bridge missing some planks. There's a raft to negotiate across a river. Then another raft on a pulley which leads to each tribe's tower. Each tribe carries a torch which must not go out as it is to be used to light the torch on top of their tower. There are planks and rungs along the way that the Survivors must use to move on ahead on the course. This challenge is way too similar to the first one in Survivor season one.
REWARD
Surprise. Surprise. Immunity and fire-proof matches.
WINNERS
Ogator. Elisabeth falls off the bridge into the river slowing her team down. They never close the gap. Rodger gets caught up in some weeds in the water and Kucha's raft tips over dousing their flame. Ogator wins with Mitchell lighting the team's victory torch.
KUCHA PRE-COUNCIL HAPPENINGS
Jeff finds out that Debb is spreading a rumour that he wants to go home because he is feeling so ill. Jeff denies Debb's allegations to whomever will listen. Rodger and Michael tool around in the canoe discussing strategy.
TRIBAL COUNCIL NUMBER ONE
* This time out, the scene for the most dramatic moment of each week's Survivor show is atop a picturesque waterfall. Debb tells host Jeff Probst that her camping books didn't do her any good. Rodger says that Michael has emerged as the leader of Kucha Tribe. Jeff tells the tribe that the one good thing about this tribal council is that they will be able to take fire back with them to the camp.
* Of the eight votes cast we only hear from two of the hamsters as they cast their ballots. Debb is reluctantly marking Jeff because of his health. Kimmi is selecting Debb as she thinks she feels "isolated" and is not "getting along" with the others.
FINAL VOTING
1. Alicia: Debb.
2. Debb: Jeff.
3. Elisabeth: Debb.
4. Jeff: Debb.
5. Kimmi: Debb.
6. Michael: Debb.
7. Nick: Debb.
8. Rodger: Debb.
* Everyone voted for Debb. Gee, I wonder why? Debb is the lone vote for Ramona, I mean, Jeff.
PARTING COMMENTS
"I wouldn't mind getting voted off if I had fallen during a competition, if I was lazy, if I wasn't a team player. But, when I come here and I give all of that and I still get voted off? I betcha if Jeff read those votes it would've been seven to one and that's a shame. I still thought a lot of it boiled down to mental toughness and physical ability and none of that even mattered!"
- Debb Eaton.
POWELL'S COMMENTS
Well, duh. Didn't Deputy Dawg watch the first Survivor for crying out loud? A small portion of the game is the athletic competitions. The majority though is the group dynamic and how others perceive you. Deputy Dawg spent hours reading survival and camping books. What she should've been doing is taking personality seminars and closely reviewing the first season. Jeff may be sick but he's young, strong and didn't spread falsehoods. Debb broke the tribe's trust and rubbed them the wrong way. Jeff better get well soon though or his days are numbered. Though I am glad the series has returned, the rehashing of material is quite disappointing.
