CANOE -- JAM! Television - TV Shows - Survivor2: Australian Outback: Episode Five: Dead meat

What was Kimmi Kappenberg thinking about when she filled out that application to join the cast of Survivor? Camped out in the Australian Outback with rice being the only vegetarian dish she could eat, how in the world did she expect to succeed without starving like one of those Third World children Sally Struthers shrills for? Kimmi's vegetarian lifestyle wasn't the problem. It was her continual condemnation of her fellow tribe members' morals that tied the noose around her neck. She wanted her beliefs to be respected but wasn't willing to respect anyone else's. Kappenberg can take solace in one thing. By the looks of the new lean and trim Survivors, those who remain at the bitter end will be more suited to a World Vision special than television's highest rated reality show.

The remaining Survivors at the start of the broadcast were:

Kucha Tribe

Ogakor Tribe

Ogakor Tribe Happenings

Burn, baby. Burn. The land around the Crocs is still smoking and so is their camp. It's covered in a dull haze from the nearby wildfires. Amber and Jerri wonder how they can convince Colby to rejoin their coven (alliance). Colby and Keith are playing a game of backgammon or checkers in the shelter. Wearing her specs to give her that appearance of intelligence, Jerri confronts Colby on his swapping coalitions at the last tribal culling. Jerri whines that it is the end of their alliance. Colby doesn't care about alliances. He's worried about winning the immunity challenges. And so, the great love affair of "Quick Draw" Colby Donaldson and The Dark Queen comes to a close. What? No more talk of food by the river's edge? No more back massages? No more piggie back rides? Sniffle. Sniffle. Someone pass me a hanky. This is too much to bear. Sniffle. Sniffle.

Amber tells us the Crocs haven't caught a fish in two days. Recalling all the Flipper episodes she watched as a child, Jerri believes that by dumping the leftover fish guts in the water the tribe is inadvertently feeding the fish and that's why they won't snap at their lures. Jerri asks Keith to start burying the fish parts in the sand. Rather than be turned into salamander or something, Keith agrees and starts digging with the frying pan they cook their meals with. Ah. It is nice to see a Chef who respects the tools of the trade.

Kucha Tribe Happenings

The Kangas have their own fire problems. It seems their pyre has been spitting coals at them while they were sleeping. One even burned a hole in Jeff's shirt, gosh darnit. Rodger, Nick and Michael take on the task of moving the firepit away from the tribe's shelter. All the while Kimmi is chatting with the only lifeforms who will tolerate her moronic musings: the chickens. Committing what should be considered cruelty to animals, she babbles on and on while the chickens are forced to listen her from within their pen. It's chicken killing time! Rodger readies the hatchet. Kimmi beats her feet. Michael is worried that she is becoming too friendly with his dinner and says that she's creating a "spectacle" for the camera whenever she hightails it out of there. Of course, this is coming from a guy who painted his face with pig's blood during the last episode. "I feel the need to shed blood," cackles Michael (Myers). Rodger does the deed but admits he doesn't enjoy killing animals. Off in the woods, Kimmi sits alone talking to the trees, bushes and rocks. They don't answer back.

Kimmi thinks the tribe should conserve their food and not slaughter a chicken every day. Alicia: The Warrior Princess, doesn't agree. The Warrior Princess waves her finger in Kimmi's face. Kimmi takes exception to that. Cat fight! Cat fight! Caught between them, Elisabeth squirms. Michael shakes his head and smiles. Alone with Jeff, Alicia admits she has never liked Kimmi. Kimmi says she doesn't like being treated like a "jerkoff". Jeff tells us that The Warrior Princess has no patience. Elisabeth reveals that it is Alicia who is always "talking trash" behind people's backs.

Challenge Number One

It's a stretcher challenge like in the original series. Both tribes had to build their own stretcher and select their reward from a book of photographs. While the Crocs were building their's, Colby and Jerri argued. The object of the challenge is to "rescue" three of the tribe members by transporting them one at a time over a finish line. Once over the line, the "victim" joins the rescue team in saving the others. Kucha has too many players so Kimmi and Rodger sit out.

Reward

Kucha selected blankets and spices. Ogakor, spices and soup mix. Whoever wins gets their choices and the other tribe's as well. A well-known American department store has also provided deodorant, shampoo and toothpaste to the winners in a crate that bears their familiar symbol. The shameless product placements have begun again, folks.

Result

Michael trips in the water twice. Kucha carries Elizabeth home to notch the win. The Crocs sit around wondering why they suck so bad. Amber cries and says she's tired of losing. Tina tells her not to let the loss wreck her spirit.

Winners: Kucha.

Ogakor Tribe Happenings

Colby is really steamed that they lost again. The Crocs laze around until Amber gives them a pep talk. Amber is convinced that if they rely on their hearts and minds they'll start turning the slump around. Colby chimes in that the time for excuses is over.

Kucha Tribe Happenings

Some Kangas feel guilty that they have taken it to the Crocs. Others like Michael, Alicia and Jeff could care less. Jeff wants to chop off Ogakor's heads, legs and feed their eyeballs to Michael. What is this? The freaking Manson family? "It's all about kicking some ass," Jeff exclaims. Michael explains that Kimmi hasn't taken a bath since they arrived. She stinks worse than Ogakor does. All the Kangas participate in a group bath.

Challenge Number Two

A life-size maze has been constructed. In it, are numbered medallions. The Survivors must collect them in the proper order and exit as a group.

Reward

The Immunity Idol - immunity from tribal council.

Result

Ogakor breaks their Immunity Challenge losing streak by hammering Kucha even though Tina got lost in the maze. Colby hustled people and lead his tribe to victory.

Winners: Ogakor Tribe.

Kucha Pre-Council Happenings

Jeff reveals that Kucha's confident appearance on the outside hides some tension on the inside. Alicia and Jeff scheme. Kimmi tries to get Michael on her side. Rodger thinks he'll vote for Kimmi because he is going to keep his word to Elisabeth. In the canoe, Rodger, Michael and Elisabeth chat about Alicia. She's a powerhouse athlete but she is causing turmoil in the tribe.

Tribal Council Number Five

It is raining buckets. Host Jeff asks Michael if he still feels that he is the leader of Kucha. Michael answers that at the time he was because he was providing the food but since then everyone has contributed. Alicia hypes her ability to motivate people which she is used to doing as a personal trainer. Kimmi has no idea where she stands. Kimmi is shown voting for Jeff. Kimmi declares that she's heard other people are voting for him too. Alicia casts her ballot for Kimmi saying they don't get along. Elisabeth's vote is not displayed. She is concerned with keeping the tribe strong though.

Final Voting

Parting Comments

"I knew for a long time that my head was on the chopping block. It doesn't surprise me at all. I am glad that I stayed true to myself and my morals. I know that Alicia and I have not gotten along since Day One. If that's what they felt they had to do then, you know, power to the team!"- Kimmi Kappenberg.

Powell's Comments

As I said last week, Kimmi's time in the Outback was "drawing to a close". The insight we gained into Kucha this week is that Alicia: The Warrior Princess, is getting on people's nerves. Her gossiping and strong-willed, dominant nature isn't being received very well. My guess is that because she's powerful in the physical challenges, the tribe will tolerate her until they have no use for her. She could be dumped before the merger comes to pass. Colby of Ogakor has made it known that alliances aren't a priority to him. He's gonna exploit his swing vote for all it's worth. He's hoping it will buy him more time in the Outback. The question is will Amber cut Jerri loose or not? That, I believe, is a forgone conclusion if Amber wants to stick around.