Shiver me timbers is right. Defying the critics and proving it still has a
lot of wind left in its sails, the 'Survivor' reality show series debuted
its Pearl Islands edition last night complete with a pirate theme to mirror
its cutthroat gameplay.
Jump-starting the installment with an immediate twist, the producers forced
the new contestants to walk the plank with just the clothes on their backs,
their running shoes and some money to spend in the best premiere episode
the series has ever had in its successful six season run.
"The game is on!," exclaimed jocular series host Jeff Probst after fooling
the players into thinking they were attending a publicity photo shoot. With
no crates full of survival goodies waiting at their camps, the players had
to spend their money wisely at a local market. Then it was off to their new
digs as each tribe bought boat rides to their own separate islands.
The dishonour of being the first castaway voted off the series went to
Nicole Delma, the 27-year-old massage therapist and marathon runner from
California. We should've known Nicole was in trouble from the get-go when
she went to the wrong tribe when Probst divided up the players at the start
of the show into the Morgan and Drake Tribes named after legendary pirates
Captain Henry Morgan and Sir Francis Drake. Targeting tribemate Tijuana
Bradley for the boot after the Morgan Tribe lost the first Immunity
Challenge and then lying about it, caused Nicole to become untrustworthy.
The Morgan Tribe subsequently gave Nicole a one-way ticket to Davey Jones'
locker.
The Survivors at the start of the broadcast were:
Drake Tribe
1. RUPERT BONEHAM: Troubled Teens Mentor.
2. SHAWN COHEN: Advertising Sales.
3. JON DALTON: Art Consultant.
4. SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE: Office Assistant.
5. TRISH DUNN: Sales Executive.
6. CHRISTA HASTIE: Computer Programmer.
7. BARTON ROBERTS: Marketing Executive.
8. MICHELLE TESAURO: Student
Morgan Tribe
1. TIJUANA BRADLEY: Pharmaceutical Sales.
2. NICOLE DELMA: Massage Therapist.
3. DARRAH JOHNSON: Mortician.
4. LILLIAN MORRIS: Scout Troop Leader.
5. RYAN OPRAY: Electrician.
6. ANDREW SAVAGE: Attorney.
7. RYAN SHOULDERS: Produce Clerk.
8. OSTEN TAYLOR: Equity Trade Manager.
Pre-Tribal Happenings (Day One)
As both tribes dash through the marketplace trying to search out the best
deals, Rupert "Blackbeard" Boneham spies Morgan leaving their items
unattended. "Pirates steal and pirates pillage," he scowls as he loots the
Morgan belongings and then sells the ill-gotten booty. "You have to lie,
chat and steal to win this game," says Rupert "BlackBeard" matter of
factly. Man, I love this guy already.
Drake's resident he-man - Osten "Master of the Universe" Taylor - sells his
clothes to benefit the Morgan Tribe. As we discover later on, this may not
be the best move Osten ever made. Engaging in a group huddle with the
ladies, Osten advises them that the male shopkeepers are horny so flashing
them their boobs wouldn't hurt. Nicole tells us she thinks Osten is a
"jerk" for even suggesting such a thing. Though she may be right, this
comes from the woman who wore no underwear under her dress at the start of
the game.
Drake's Sandra Diaz-Twine can speak the local language so she is working
deals like a death row inmate sentenced to ride the lighting. As Sandra
weaves her magic, a certain female shopkeeper takes a liking to Trish Dunn.
A REAL liking to her, if you know what I mean...and I think you do. "I
think she liked her in a...sexual way," says Sandra of the shopkeeper.
Morgan's Tijuana Bradley confirms she has all the diplomatic skills of a
rabid pit bull terrier as she argues with a shopkeeper who believes Tijuana
didn't pay for items she is leaving with. Tijuana's negotiating tactics
amount to demanding her money back over and over again. The mind-numbing
screeching begins. At one point, Tijuana actually walks out with the goods
dragging the bewildered shopkeeper with her. Before the debut of 'Survivor:
Pearl Islands' turns into an episode of 'Cops', the situation sadly works
itself out. Too bad. I like watching perps flee a crime scene and then
getting clubbed into unconsciousness by overweight law enforcement officers
who wheeze like they are suffering from an asthma attack just because they
had to jog a block or two. Now that's entertainment! Full of good cheer
this episode, Nicole berates Tijuana for being "over-excited". Whatever
that means.
Drake's Sandra ruins a lovely neighbourhood barbecue by offering a villager
her gold necklace for the entire feast she is cooking. The only thing left
after the deal is done, is the grill itself. Each tribe then purchases a
boat ride to their own personal island where they will hack down trees,
trample over precious fauna and maybe gut an endangered animal or two. Woo!
Hoo!
Morgan Tribal Happenings (Day One)
'Crying' Ryan Shoulders, whines that he hoped Morgan would celebrate their
homecoming with all manner of sloppy hugs and kisses. No dice as "Master of
the Universe' Osten leads the charge in destroying stuff. 'Crying' Ryan
snivels: "Osten lets everyone know he has the muscles." Still dressed in
her Boy Scouts of America get-up, Lillian starts the camp fire with a
candle and in the process forfeits two of her wilderness survival badges.
Morgan leans some wooden posts against a rock face and calls it a shelter.
Drake Tribal Happenings (Day One)
In an act of solidarity before they begin disemboweling each other at
Tribal Council, Drake puts their hands together and celebrates the fact
that they got a lift to their new home. Dynamic Duo - Shawn and Barton
'Fink' - immediately start directing traffic and pissing people off.
Resting before they hack down the rest of the jungle into toothpicks,
Barton, Shawn and Michelle share some coconut milk while the rest of the
tribe stare on giving them enough evil eyes to curse them for life. Shawn
thinks it is a riot when he tells Rupert 'Blackbeard' that he likes people
with big old beards that catch all sorts of crud. 'Blackbeard' is not
amused. Having purchased no bug repellent, Drake provides a good feast to
the jungle's mosquitoes. 'Holy mosquito city!," blithers Jon.
Morgan Tribal Happenings (Day One)
The tribe is running out of aqua. "Master of the Universe" Osten has a
stunning revelation. "Water will be real important," he says. The tribe
finds a spring but the water looks like the runoff from a toxic waste dump.
Osten has another epiphany. Without water, humans dehydrate. Let's hope
there aren't many mental challenges in this game.
Morgan Tribal Happenings (Night One)
As the tribe tries to get some shut-eye pieces of the cliff wall
occasionally rain down on them hitting them in the head as hermit crabs
invade and bite them on the ass. Osten thinks he sees a snake off in the
distance. Waving a tree branch in the air and bellowing 'I have the
power!", our 'Master of the Universe' pounds on the panic button.
Foreshadowing how well he will do in the game, Osten says when he is
stressed he goes into "freak out mode". Andrew lets us in on a little
secret. The tribe calls Osten "Scary Mary" behind his back. Let the mocking
begin!
Drake Tribal Happenings (Night One)
Having brutalized all the natural wilderness they can for one day, Drake
gets down to the important stuff. Getting hammered. Acting out their own
booze commercial, Drake passes around some moonshine and get all silly
like. Jon swears up a storm and utters bad jokes between guzzles. Rupert
'Blackbeard' says that Jon reminds him of the troubled teens he works with.
Jon likes to "pop off" and say all sorts of "stupid stuff." Christa finds
Jon to be "obnoxious". Sandra says Jon's court jester role is getting stale
already.
Drake Tribal Happenings (Day Two)
Rupert "Blackbeard" ain't too happy with the "dress jeans" he's got on.
They are rubbing his crotch raw. Christa hacks up her dress so Michelle can
have half. Rupert "Blackbeard" joins in on the fun and the ladies fashion
him a "dress" as well. In discovering a new side to himself, Rupert says he
will never wear the pants again. Yep. Dude looks like a lady. Not that
there is anything wrong with that...of course.
Morgan Tribal Happenings (Day Two)
Lillian warns the tribe that they need to find their watering hole and
fast. After the tribe stumbles around the beach for hours on end expecting
a delivery from the Culligan Water man, Tijuana gets a bright idea. Why not
check the map they were given for directions to their water source? Lo and
behold, there they are...just like in every edition of 'Survivor' ever
filmed. Duh! Reaching their daily quota of bright ideas, Morgan decides to
move their shelter and raise it off the ground. Lillian and 'Crying' Ryan
fetch some water.
Drake Tribal Happenings (Day Two)
As Rupert 'Blackbeard' catches some beauty sleep, the Dynamic Duo go out
fishing. Lugging home a guppy, they pat themselves on the back. Not to be
out done, Rupert scoops up the spear and fishes like a man possessed as the
others nap. While Shawn appreciates the effort he can't help but to rag on
Rupert. He tells us "Blackbeard" is gonna take hours to recovery from his
mad fishing frenzy. "Blackbeard" lets us in on his Richard Hatch like
strategy. He wants to be the "caretaker" of the tribe so they can't
possibly imagine not having him around. Everyone congratulates Rupert on
his marine massacre. Rupert says everyone did great, even though all they
did was snore in the shade.
Morgan Tribal Happenings (Day Three)
Morgan finds their first tree mail in a treasure chest. Nicole says that
she suggested the tribe appoint Andrew as leader of the tribe. Not wanting
to paint a target on their backs, everyone agrees. Andrew points out that
Osten's boxers keep drooping and exposing his rear end. Ryan and he agree
to support their tribemate during the challenge and go naked if they have
to. Okey. Dokey.
Immunity Challenge
The Survivors have to maneuver a cannon through an obstacle course,
sometimes taking it completely apart as they go.
Reward
Immunity from Tribal Council.
Result
Finally we have an Immunity Idol that rocks. It is a skull on top of a
battle axe. Coolness. Andrew and Ryan make good on their promise and go
naked like Osten does. All that results in is a little blurry fuzzball
following them around.
Winners: Drake.
Drake Tribal Happenings (Day Three)
Shawn says they beat Morgan on sure willpower alone. Michelle can't believe
she saw the male members of Morgan with their "junk" hanging out
everywhere. Sandra says she wishes they caught their "ding-a-longs" in some
vines or something. Rupert states they were completely stupid going naked
in the jungle like that. "Ding-a-longs"?
Morgan Pre-Tribal Council Happenings (Day Three)
Andrew holds a group huddle like some sort of demented football coach. Move
on. Learn from it. Go team go! Blah. Blah. Andrew thinks "Crying" Ryan
didn't pull his weight during the challenge. He is not sure whether Morgan
should keep the "limp noodle" or not. He believes Lillian is weak too.
"Crying" Ryan lends some support to Lillian at the camp fire. He advises
her not to give up until her torch is snuffed. Nicole corners Lillian and
complains about how much Tijuana is bugging the crap out of her. They need
to keep the guys to finish building the shelter but they don't need Tijuana
around. Lillian squeals to Andrew who believes her. Andrew squeals to
Tijuana saying that he doesn't doubt that Lillian is telling the truth. She
seems like an honest person. Tijuana confronts Nicole. Nicole does the only
thing she can. She lies her fool head off. Missing in action the entire
episode, Darrah finally gets on the board saying she doesn't think she can
trust Nicole any more. "Ding-a-longs"?
Lord Andrew of Morgan gives us his assessment. Either "Crying" Ryan, Nicole
or Lillian are gonna be ousted tonight.
Tribal Council
Lord Andrew is wearing the jacket that went with his suit to Tribal
Council. Probst ridicules Osten for getting naked during the challenge.
Osten says the mistake is in the past and it is time to move on. Ryan
thinks everyone is cool but he needs more water. Lord Andrew of Morgan
needs more sleep. Lillian states that she has learned patience in being a
Scout Master for 11 years. Nicole directs some comments to Tijuana. Some
people are getting threatened already and acting defensive. Andrew doesn't
think "Crying" Ryan has been pulling his weight at camp. "Crying" Ryan
thought he was giving 120 per cent.
Nicole votes for "Crying Ryan" as that's who she heard people are targeting
tonight. Tijuana writes down Nicole's name. She stabbed her in the back and
now she must save herself.
Final Voting
1. TIJUANA BRADLEY: Nicole.
2. NICOLE DELMA: Ryan S.
3. DARRAH JOHNSON: Nicole.
4. LILLIAN MORRIS: Nicole.
5. RYAN OPRAY: Nicole.
6. ANDREW SAVAGE: Nicole.
7. RYAN SHOULDERS: Nicole.
8. OSTEN TAYLOR: Nicole.
Tribal Council Victim:
NICOLE DELMA.
Parting Comments
"I knew going into it that my biggest weakness would be keeping my
mouth shut. When I have an opinion about something I just can't keep it in.
It doesn't surprise me that I am sitting here. Based on past experience, I
knew I would be either the first person off or the one who won. Even with a
million dollars at stake, I still had to say what I thought when I thought
it and that's what did me in, in the end. I sorta shot myself in the foot
by trying to make an alliance early on to get rid of someone who annoyed
me. In hindsight, that wasn't the best way to play the game." -- NICOLE
DELMA.
Powell's Thoughts:
On the next 'Survivor', life is good at Drake until Shawn ticks Rupert off.
Rupert is shown screaming in anger while in the water. Someone at Morgan
want to quit the game. Lord Andrew of Morgan says that someone wanting to
go home brings everyone's morale down.
It seems as though the reason why Rupert and Shawn are arguing is over who
should go out and fish. The person who wants to quit at Morgan is probably
"Crying Ryan" who is probably not getting enough to eat and is rake thin to
begin with.
Overall, the best debut episode yet. Lots to talk about and lots to ponder.
Rupert is obviously the star of the series so far along with Lord Andrew.
They both have been racking up the screen time. Darrah who? See yah Nicole.
We hardly even knew yah. Don't feel bad though. She will return with the Ghost Tribe.
