OTTAWA -- Trying to track down MTV loudmouth Tom Green and his gal pal Monica Lewinsky -- or at least someone we believed to be the most famous White House intern of all time -- was a lot more fun than actually finding them.

The pair toured the core of the capital in a light blue Excursion yesterday afternoon, doing their darndest to avoid a group of newspaper people they clearly wanted to use as as backdrop for Green's soaring and outrageous talk show.

Personally, I cared less about Green, even though he is fast becoming one of the most famous comics Ottawa has produced.

Maybe that's because I still remember how he and his cameraman made life difficult for a group of sportswriters a few springs ago at the Corel Centre.

The Senators were in the midst of their first playoff series, against New Jersey, when Green and crew showed up at an off-day practice.

While reporters scurried about to get as many interviews as possible with the Devils, Green kept getting in the way, offering the players cookies in front of a rolling camera.

When New Jersey coach Jacques Lemaire held his press conference, Green persisted, asking the very-serious Lemaire why his players wouldn't take the cookies. Lemaire looked at him long and hard, then abruptly walked off the stage. End of interview.

I did, however, want to talk with Lewinsky -- and not just to find out where she did her cigar-shopping in Ottawa.

If you don't think she is a full-blown celebrity, you didn't see the look of excitement on the faces of citizens when they learned she was in town and -- omigosh! omigosh! very near their presence.

Fr. Anthony Van Hee was not among the impressed, however. I approached the Catholic priest at his post on Parliament Hill. He was wearing a sandwich board protesting abortion.

"Have you seen Monica Lewinsky today?," I asked him.

"Nah," he said. "I heard she was, too. But it may have been while I was reading the paper."

Fr. Van Hee has fasted -- or had nothing but bread and water -- for 73 days since Parliament resumed in September. The most he has fasted is 40 days in a row.

"How many slices would you eat in a day?" I wanted to know.

"Six," he said. "And just at night."

We checked out the snow sculptures on the Hill -- man, they are fantastic -- and proceeded to the Chapters on the corner of Wellington and George, where we heard the Excursion was parked.

I went inside the store to see if Monica had been in. She had not, but the staff sure got giggly when I pointed out her chariot.

Sun reporter Andrew "Too Tall" Seymour and photographer "Dirty Johnny" Hayward perused the neighbourhood until they found that Green and Lewinsky were lunching at Wilfrid's in the Chateau Laurier.

Unable to join them, I killed some time chatting with Jeff "No Relation To Wade" Boggs, a producer of the Green Show who worked five years for David Letterman.

Boggs did not look like a happy guy and I don't think it had anything to do with the fact Sun photographer Tony "Trigger" Caldwell ran into him with his car earlier in the afternoon, when Boggs unsuccessfully tried to get in the way of Trigger's pursuit .

Boggs was coy when asked about his companions, but did say there will be a press conference at a local restaurant called the "Little Beaver" today at noon. I later looked in the phone book and saw no such place, but there is a Little Beaver Student Painters listed, although I'm thinking that would be an odd place for a presser.

"All I can say is there will be a big announcement," says Boggs, when I ask him about the rumour there are wedding bells in Monica's immediate future. "A big announcement."

Deneen Perrin, the hotel's communications and promotions manager, said the most unique part of their visit to the restaurant (other than the fact it was filmed for the show) was when "(Green) got up at one point and started hopping around like a bunny. I don't know what he was doing."

As for the commotion he caused in the lobby, Perrin said the hotel would never condone such behaviour and that she was trying to tell him to keep it down. But Green doesn't follow orders very well.

As for Monica, well, she better be ready for more hollering.

Mauler and The Rush, co-hosts of the unknown morning show on X-FM, plan on waking her up with a megaphone today.

Good luck finding her, guys. That'll be the fun part.