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America's most notorious White House intern and Canada's capital prankster were greeted by hundreds of fans and great skepticism yesterday as they held a Vanier greasy spoon hostage for their "big announcement."
But the event, shot by MTV for an upcoming episode of Green's show, turned out to be a big non-event.
"Ottawa, Canada will now forever be known as the fabric capital of the universe," funny man Tom Green told screaming fans.
"We've got the best fabric in the world," he shouted, straining his voice.
Perched on the roof of the Little Beaver Restaurant with MTV minions by his side, Green lashed out against Dallas, which he said has annual fabric conventions, and gushed about the wealth of fabric in Ottawa.
With speculation on the announcement ranging from marriage to just another hoax, about 20 TV cameras and a few hundred fans and curious onlookers turned out. Some in the crowd were questioning whether it really was Monica Lewinsky under Green's protective arm or a lookalike.
Green's mother, Mary Jane, confirmed the giggly girl on the restaurant roof with her son was the tarnished, trimmed-down 26-year-old. "It absolutely is," the cheery mom said after her son's announcement. "We met her and went to lunch with her yesterday."
While the lips that almost sunk U.S. President Bill Clinton remained clamped, Green told the crowd about the pair's adventures searching "for the perfect new handbag for the the perfect handbag company.
Perfect handbag
"The Real Monica Inc. manufacturing is now making the best handbags in the world using the best fabrics in the world," he said.
The so-called perfect handbag -- the Richard and Mary Jane Green handbag -- was sewn from the fabric of the bedspread that until yesterday covered the bed Green's parents sleep in. Mom and dad said they were surprised by their son and Lewinsky in the middle of the night.
"He came and got his keys around midnight and we thought 'Oh something's going to happen tonight,' " Richard Green said. "Sure enough, at about four in the morning Tom and Monica ripped our blankets off, took Mary Jane's dressing gown, the dog's carpet and a few other things."
Green's mom said she didn't get the sense that Monica and her son were more than friends.
"But you don't often get a lot of sense out of Tom," she quipped.