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Below was a mass of onlookers composed of hundreds of excited teens, newspaper reporters and television cameras from international agencies.
"We've got the best fabric in the world!" Green shouted for the world to hear.
So ended days of speculation over the nature of the odd couple's important announcement.
They were not dating, she was not pregnant and he had no plans to wade into politics. It was a bewildering publicity stunt for a line of purses bearing Lewinsky's name.
Finally, The Tom Green Show presents behind-the-scenes footage, tomorrow at midnight on j and again Saturday at 11:30 p.m.
Just as we eagerly witnessed the press conference, the special inspires curiosity. And it delivers, if no other reason than the sheer spectacle of a Tim Hortons manager ejecting Green and Lewinsky from his doughnut shop.
He was obviously oblivious to the identities of Tom Green, Ottawa's third most famous comedian behind Norm Macdonald and Mark McKinney, and Monica Lewinsky, Washington's third most scandalous figure behind Richard Nixon and Oliver North.
"I've never been kicked out of anywhere," Lewinsky giggles.
"That's what happens when you hang out with us," shrugs Green.
You might get shoved down a flight of stairs by his sidekick Glenn Humplik, or get to witness the pandemonium Green causes at his alma mater, where the high school students regard him as some sort of roadkill-humping god.
Heck, if it's a real special occasion, you even get to watch Green embarrass his parents in an expensive restaurant.
"You're disturbing other people," warns the senior Green, as though he just realized now his son should never have been taken off Ritalin.
Those are the good bits. Any Tom Green episode, though, is always accompanied by useless nonsense. Handing out slices of bread along the Rideau Canal is apparently supposed to be funny.
The low point is the opening.
"What we never expected was the media feeding frenzy that followed us and devoured our every last word," Green deadpans in his introduction to the special.
They complain so much about the reporters on their trail, you really start to feel sorry for them.
The reporters, I mean.
It's ludicrous to watch Green yell at members of the media reporting on the activities of a celebrity who loves the spotlight.
If Green wasn't an attention- starved brat, he wouldn't have a camera crew follow him around all the time as he eats human hair and duct-tapes himself to lamp posts.
If Lewinsky really didn't want publicity for her new line of fashion accessories, her handlers wouldn't have orchestrated this meeting with a controversial star among a desired demographic.
So if Green wasn't part of some premeditated corporate strategy to hawk handbags, it's only because the kids from South Park were her publicist's first choice.