Sophie Monk plays a sex-kitten in Date Movie, a spoof of romantic comedies. The DVD arrives today. You've been warned.

You can do a lot in six minutes -- download a song, e-mail a friend, nap through the dull parts of The Da Vinci Code (oh, wait, you'd need 106 minutes for that) or watch Date Movie.

That's because an option on the DVD -- aptly called The Quickie -- offers a six-minute version of the film. Yet while we salivate at future applications -- are you listening, Kevin Costner? -- we must also report that, as was the case with the first rockets fired into orbit during the space race, this technological leap occurs with a monkey at the helm.

That monkey would be director Aaron Seltzer, who teams with, as the film's tagline points out, two of the six writers behind Scary Movie for this send-up of the romantic comedy genre. No false advertising there -- the movie's about as third as funny. And remember, the Scary Movie franchise isn't exactly a hallmark of hilarity. From the vulgarity of the Wayan Brothers' first two instalments to the sophomoric gags of the last two efforts from David Zucker, it has been, at best, good for a juvenile titter or two. Which, coincidentally, is about two more titters than found here.

At least Scary Movie -- with apologies to Anna Faris -- didn't mark a pitiable squandering of talent.

Date Movie, however, inexplicably stars the immensely appealing Alyson Hannigan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, American Pie and the current TV hit How I Met Your Mother. What Hannigan -- who dons a fat suit for the film's first 15 minutes -- was thinking, Lord knows, but one hopes her day job means she can exercise more discretion in selecting future gigs. Date Movie casts her as Julia Jones, a Greek/Jewish/Indian daughter of African American actor Eddie Griffin (it sounds funnier than it is) who falls for a Hugh Grant-ish Brit (Adam Campbell) with a Focker-esque moniker.

The comic targets -- which should be as easy to hit as Hannigan's prosthetic posterior from orbit -- range from My Best Friend's Wedding to Meet The Parents to The Wedding Planner and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

That this genre -- which exists seemingly only to keep Matthew McConaughey employed -- is so ripe for the Scary Movie treatment only makes every flat gross-out joke, every strained attempt at scatological humour, all the more excruciating. Shouldn't a send-up be at least as entertaining as the movies it's supposedly making fun of?

EXTRAS: Deleted and extended scenes add few laughs, but more of bombshell Sophie Monk.

DATE MOVIE

STARS: Alyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell and Sophie Monk

DIRECTED BY: Aaron Seltzer

IN BRIEF: Gross but unfunny spoof of such romantic comedies as The Wedding Planner and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

RATING: 1 out of 5