Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou unravel the secrets concealed in the Mona Lisa in Ron Howard's adaptation of The Da Vinci Code.

So Jesus and Mary Magdalene got married and had kids and the Holy Grail is not the cup of Christ's blood, but rather, the bloodline of His ancestors. Uh-huh.

For a more compelling mystery how about answering what in the name of all that is holy happened to Tom Hanks' hair?

Simple salon error or something more sinister? And why did Hanks OK his mini-mullet? Then again, maybe some conspiracies are best left untouched.

After all, if not for his perplexing hairdo, there would be no reason to recommend this movie. As it is, his misguided mane shows at least someone behind the scenes was being creative.

It wasn't supposed to be this way, of course -- there was a time when all the filmmakers had to worry about was the wrath of the Catholic Church.

Then the movie came out.

Suddenly all those Christians -- furious over Da Vinci's blasphemous premise -- seemed pleasingly tame compared to the legions of critics who crucified Ron Howard's adaptation of Dan Brown's best-seller.

True, Da Vinci was a massive hit -- topping the US$750 million mark in worldwide box office, but, given the expectations attached, it couldn't quite escape the distinctive whiff of disappointment.

And while I'm conflicted about criticizing the star and director of Splash, I can't say I disagree. What went wrong? Simply put, the book, if you haven't read it, isn't great literature.

A pulse-pounding page-turner?

Yes. But more?

Not a chance.

And this is at the heart of the film's flaws -- that Howard and screenwriter Akiva Goldsman treat Brown's tome as high art. Understandable, we suppose -- who wants to muck with a billion-dollar franchise and irk some 50 million readers? But by approaching it all with near-religious reverence, they siphon all the energy from Brown's giddy narrative.

Trapped in this vacuum then is Hanks as Brown's hero, symbolist Robert Langdon; no wonder he shuffles through the thriller with all the scholarly urgency of a bookworm who's misplaced his library card.

Howard pairs Hanks with an equally glum Audrey Tautou as Sophie Neveu, a French cryptologist whose murdered grandfather may be key to the Grail mystery.

Yet even as the duo unravel riddles and dodge cops and homicidal monks -- Paul Bettany oozes menace as Silas -- it's hard to care about much, aside from, of course, Hanks' mop.

God bless the hairdresser.

EXTRAS: The two-disc set features exhaustive insights by Brown, cast members and the movie's makers who recall, among other things, shooting in the Louvre.

DA VINCI CODE

Starring Tom Hanks

Directed by Ron Howard

In brief: Hanks stars in this adaptation of the runaway Dan Brown bestseller.

Sun rating: 2 out of 5